It was a beautiful, sunny late summer day- a day of getting up, preparing meals, making beds, doing laundry. An average, ordinary, typical day, but it was far from normal.
Her rage had simmered for months; now it was seething and bubbling near the surface. She had prayed, talked with friends, tried counseling; but nothing helped her pain. Nothing filled the void. The only reason she was alive was the precious three-year-old napping inside. He’d lost a father. He shouldn’t have to lose a mother, too. But being alive isn’t living. Being alive and alone was too painful. She wanted to die.
As she walked across the backyard, the anger consumed her. The rage boiled over as she screamed to the heavens with clinched fists. “I wasn’t suppose to be a widow at 27 years old,” she shouted. With harsh words she expressed all the pain, the hurt, the anger, the heartaches. She shook her fists at the tree tops telling God that His love was a lie. It was His fault. She ranted on until she was hoarse.
As the adrenalin faded along with the anger, she collapsed wishing she had never been born.
She never felt the fall. She just laid in the grass too tired to get up. Her eyes closed to block out the sun and, with it, reality.
Time stood still for a while or, at least, it seemed to. Time didn’t exist in the nothingness of her mind.
Then tiny bits of the world began to emerge. She smelled the tangy grass and sweet lily-of-the valley flowers nearby; she felt the warmth of the sun on her face. She heard birds twittering and singing their age-old arias. Slowly she opened her eyes as a butterfly took wing above her and the clouds looked billowy, like fluffy bunnies. Geese honked as they changed the leader of their v-formation. The leaves on the trees seemed greener and more shapely defined. Then she heard gentle laughter, like the sound of a babbling brook deep in a forest and felt the warm whisper of the breeze.
It was soothing, and she felt her muscles relaxing as her breathing returned to normal. An ant plodded across her bare foot; a mosquito bit her arm. Still she laid there letting the laughter surround her until it slowly covered, and finally filled her.
“Child, do you remember that I gave you your feelings? Do you know that I already
know your thoughts before you’re able to express them? My love for you is everlasting. My Son felt all your pain before you were born.
“My Child, I can fill the void; I can take your pain; I can fill you with hope, love, and joy.
“Dear Child, You are precious to me. Crawl into my arms and let me rock you with the breeze,
let me warm you with the sunshine, let me sing to you through birdsong. Surrender your all to me.”
Her world was filled with peace as she slept in the grass. When her eyes opened again, she saw the splendor of His creation and the birds were singing a rhapsody of love. She knew God’s Amazing Grace has been given to her on this not so ordinary day.
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