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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 2 – Intermediate)
Topic: Angry (08/02/07)

TITLE: Marital Bliss Revisited
By Dianne Janak


The congregation was standing, the music was playing, “Here comes the bride.” All eyes were on my dad and I as we walked down the aisle. Spotting my soon- to- be-husband dressed in his Navy whites, I melted. New life was beginning with a Harrison Ford look-a-like.

What he did not yet know, nor did the world, was that I had a plan to make healthy marriages happy forever all over planet earth. How could marriage be such hard work? If you loved someone, you just did what they want, and they do what you want and voila “world peace.”

Simply put, arguing, fighting, harsh tones and slamming doors in our home would be banned. Not allowed ever. Then I would write a book, make millions, and we could move to Hawaii.

He had just been commissioned to be an ensign on a submarine in New London, Conneticut, wherever that was. Not ever having left the south, to me this was expanding my horizon.

In college, he was enticed by “Join the Navy, see the world.” I was enticed by “Go to college, find a man.”

And so here we were beginning a life of zero conflict. I hadn’t yet let him in on the plan. I needed the vows first.


“Honey, I have a surprise for you in the living room,” as he blindfolded me. We had succeeded. Two months of verbal peace. I know, I’m impressed also.

A few days before, the plan almost got blown out of the water ( pun intended) when he came home to announce his submarine had to go down for the summer to guard our sea bottom (my words, not his.)

“No dear, that can’t be possible. Please call your captain and tell him we are newlyweds who need some quality time.”

His face turned the same color as his uniform. He had never done that before.

Realizing the whiteness of his face may signal impending trouble, I asked for a dog. That didn’t work, so I went for a cat. I finally got the sinking feeling that this is where my plan had to kick in. I stifled.

I know, I’m wonderful.

“Honey you are so sweet. I love surprises, ” as he removed the blindfold and I shrieked.

“What is that giant centipede doing in here?” I was loud.

“Are you serious? It’s a lobster. This is what they do in New England.” And he left the room.

It was ugly, and I had a dilemma here. The man apparently wanted me to have a pet, and this is “what they do in New England.” The pet was ugly, but I was touched. He had heard me.

I guess he was giving me of moment of bonding time. Of course I had envisioned bonding with him, but the Navy messed that up.

Try bonding with a lobster. Making eye contact is impossible. But he did look like a Luther. Luther the lobster looked scared.

My man walked back in with a huge grin on his face. It is sweet what loving gifts between newlyweds can do.

“Honey, you are so sweet. His name is Luther. Where is his cage? ” I dripped with fake enthusiasm.

"WHAT? You named our DINNER?” he was loud.

“What do you mean dinner? You can’t eat our PET?” I was louder.

"NO ONE NAMES THEIR DINNER.” He looked shocked.

“NO ONE EATS THEIR PETS.” I was mortified.

The man, my husband whom I thought I knew, had actually been boiling water in the kitchen while I was bonding.

My plan to never argue and write a book was now ditched in the same place as diets and New Year’s resolutions.

But also something surreal was occurring. I could tell you I heard violins, but I’m not a liar. I heard trumpets.

I saw that he was different from me. He didn’t get the plan and that was rather endearing. To be frank, it was a stupid plan.

Luther died that night, ‘cause my husband likes dinner.

It felt good to cry. It actually felt good to be myself. And he even made sense actually. God knew what I needed. Luther’s sacrifice started our thirty-seven year old marriage.

Because of him, it was love at first fight.

“Be angry and yet do not sin.” Eph.4:26 NAS

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This article has been read 834 times
Member Comments
Member Date
Jan Ackerson 08/09/07
Wonderful, wry voice! I was hoping that someone would be able to write a humorous piece for this topic. Thank you very much!
Lynda Schultz 08/10/07
I love this. Funny, sad, naive, wise, expectant, disappointment — all kinds of emotions and stuff going on. Nice work.
Cathy Kane08/11/07
Well, should it be "Because of him, it was love at first fight." or "Because of him, it was love at first bite."? Ha! Ha!

Darling story...so nice to have a humorous break from all the serious anger in the air!

Nice writing. Very descriptive. I really enjoyed this great story!
Marilyn Schnepp 08/13/07
Loved this one! The wry humor sprinkled throughout was delightfully funny, the lobster, the Plan, the whole thing I would call A MASTERPIECE - I hope this one places! You Made my day!
Paul Potenza08/14/07
They killed Luther?!?!

How COULD they????

Heh heh...

Seriously though, this is a great piece and it kinda goes to show how men and women think.

It's witty and warm and to be honest I was mildly surprised that you touched Luther.

My own bride prefers to distance herself from creatures that resemble a Madagascar Hissing Roach. Oh she'll eat them but they have to be dead first, kind of like a mafia hit.

Great Job.

Betty Castleberry08/15/07
This is priceless. I thoroughly enjoyed reading it. It details the plans a lot of new brides have until life gets in the way. I chuckled more than once. Excellent work.
Kristen Hester08/15/07
This is so cute. I loved the voice. The part about the lobster was perfect! So typical of male vs. female. I,too, thought our marriage would be easy and perfect. We actually lead marriage classes now and have a great marriage, but accepting each other's differences was the key, just like you point out. And that isn't always easy. Thanks for this charming story.
Joanne Sher 08/15/07
Oh, what a riot! You have a PERFECT voice for this - I love the wry humor. A pleasure to read!
Joy Faire Stewart08/15/07
I love your way with words. If was like a friend telling you her story. Great job.
Leigh MacKelvey08/15/07
Very nice! I laughed ... and cried over Luther! I hooe this places. I loved the humor and intended puns.
Jacquelyn Horne08/15/07
Loved this. A wonderful tale of newlywed bliss (or blisters?).
LaNaye Perkins08/15/07
I love this piece. It took me back in time to some of my own niave assumptions as a newlywed. I love the humor you wove throughout it too. Great writing!
Dee Yoder 08/15/07
This is simply delightful! I laughed and chuckled all the way through. The humor in this piece is fun and well written. Thanks for providing the chuckle I needed today!
Patty Wysong08/15/07
OH! This is a fun one!! You did it! You wrote a fun/funny angry piece!! :-) I loved your voice--it made the piece. Great job.
Verna Cole Mitchell 08/15/07
I really loved this piece--hope it places. The humor, the mc's "impossible" dream, and the love that lasted were written just right.
Julie Arduini08/15/07
This is just priceless, excellent writing here. The humor felt so natural but that is a gift to write like that. I loved the Navy touch, my husband's first marriage was pretty much a navy marriage and this story sounds like some of their happier times.
Dee Yoder 08/16/07
2nd in Level 2! Congratulations! I knew this was a special entry! Really happy for you. :)
TJ Nickel08/16/07
liked it, creative and fun, sentimental and humorous.
Marilee Alvey08/16/07
Dianne, you are the BOMB! I love your voice! Walk straight up to Advanced....and then come and join me! You ARE a Master...and I'm calling it NOW! I can't wait to see what you write next! Keep it up, girlfriend!
Seema Bagai 08/16/07
This is funny! You captured emotions well in this piece.

I don't think you need the verse at the end. The piece stands fine on its own. Just my opinion, though.
Cathy Kane08/16/07
Congrats, Dianne! Very well deserved blue ribbon on a delightful story. Great job! I'm proud to know you!
David Butler08/17/07
Wow! I blinked and there you are - in Advanced already.
Love your sense of humour. What a great satire on the Perfect Couple. I can't see how you can improve on that. Well done!
David Butler08/17/07
Wow! I blinked and there you are - in Advanced already.
Love your sense of humour. What a great satire on the Perfect Couple. My wife and I never fight - we merely get intense! ;)
I can't see how you can improve on that. Well done!
David Butler08/17/07
Wow! I blinked and there you are - in Advanced already.
Love your sense of humour. What a great satire on the Perfect Couple. My wife and I never fight - we merely get intense! ;)
I can't see how you can improve on that. Well done!
Myrna Noyes08/19/07
Wonderfully realistic and humorous "angry" piece, Dianne, and very deserving of your win! Hop on up to Advanced and sit with Cathy and me for a week or so until you move on to Masters! :)