“Okay, so you don’t love me anymore and you say maybe you never really did. And you want to leave me. Why are you also leaving our children?” he asked as calming as he could as the anger built up inside him with each word he spoke.
“The kids don’t need me. They are better off without me. They are just kids, they’ll get over it”, she answered, almost shouting the words.
“How can you do this to our children? You have never gotten over your parents abandoning you, how can you say, they will get over it?” His body tensed as he spoke.
She continued tossing clothing and books in the boxes she had hidden under the bed. “I am leaving because I need to. No one here really cares about me and what I need. It doesn’t matter what you say to me, I’m leaving. Everyone may hate me, but I am leaving.”
“I don’t hate you and neither do the kids, but how can you leave without even telling the kids, It’s as if you are sneaking out just to avoid hearing their tears”. He was almost crying. “You are leaving their tears for me.”
“It doesn’t matter how I leave, everyone is better off without me and they can get over it or hate me or what ever they wish, I have to go. Nothing is working for me here. I don’t expect you to understand, I don’t think you have ever understood me and neither has your family. This just gives them one more thing to hate me for.” She spoke these words as if they were rehearsed.
“You don’t even want to talk about it. You just want to throw 20 years of marriage out with the garbage and call it no good. Is none of it worth trying to work out?”.
He was trying to hold his anger at bay. Trying to stay calm, though he felt like his heart was on fire. It seemed so sudden , her wanting to leave. But he was beginning to realize that he should have seen this day coming, she was getting more and more depressed and probably he did not handle it well. It seemed that no matter what he did or said it was not right.
He stood in the doorway of their bedroom watching her empty the dresser and closet of her things. The anger was sitting there between where they stood. He could not make her stay or the anger go. He had never felt this much hopelessness in his life.
“You can leave me if that is what you have decided, but I beg you, don’t just leave our kids this way. Don’t leave and make me tell them their mother left them.”
“It doesn’t matter how I leave”,she said in a matter of fact way. “They won’t miss me. They will just judge me like all of your family will. No one really cares about me. I want a new life. I want to start all over again. You really don’t care. You just care how it looks to everyone. I’m leaving and that is that. Just save your words”.
She moved toward the front door with the last of her packed boxes and silently left the house not even looking back.
He stood at the door watching her car pull away. His eyes were full of tears. His heart full of anger, hurt, hopelessness and despair.
He fell to his knees and stretched his arms out to God. “I surrender all”, he shouted. “I surrender it all to you, my Lord. Please help me find a way to help my kids. I know that you love my children even more than I love them. Help me put my anger away so I can see your hand in this. Thank you, Lord for your love. And even for the love you have for my wife. Help her see your love even if she can’t see mine.”
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