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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 2 – Intermediate)
Topic: Sad (07/26/07)

TITLE: His Name was Nick
By Connie Pilston Shoemaker
07/31/07


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He Said his name was Nick, at least that is what he said.
She offered herself willingly as he took her treasures greedily
Shed wondered what it would be like and now she wonders why

It was over quick; he told her it would be okay
Little did she know hed leave scars that would never go away.

Shed never thought about after and the way that she might feel
Or that shed be expecting the unexpected nothing seemed real
Or that shed find herself in a place she never thought shed be.

It was over quick; the doctor told her it would be okay
Little did she know hed leave scars that would never go away.

When the sickness came it hit from out of the blue
Her health began to fail and her memory did too
She looked back on her life and now she wonders why

It was over quick; he told her it would be okay
Little did she know hed leave scars that would take her life away.

Now the family is weeping and the friends have all gone home
And her mother sits crying in her bedroom all alone
She thinks of the blue eyes, the soft hair and that smile

It was over much too quick and it would never be okay
For that one mistake had forever taken her precious daughter away.


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This article has been read 475 times
Member Comments
Member Date
Author Unknown08/03/07
the subject is compelling and the plot of it works, but something in the form made this piece not flow as well as I think it wants to. you covered the theme well, and I like how you use the same repetitive line to sink the point in, but it felt like it was over too quick. I enjoyed it- I just think it wanted to be a little more (the piece). Hope that makes sense. Meant to be a critique but not critical?
Marilyn Schnepp 08/04/07
This has to be read twice in order to get the full impact. After the first read the reader is a bit confused - but after another read, the story is clear as a bell. Very creative way of telling a sad story...that happens much too often. Very well done, discreet but obvious, and goes around full circle, from the mistake to the sad ending. I liked it..."It tells it like it is." Nicely done! Kudos!
LaNaye Perkins08/04/07
Nice job of telling a sad truth about mistakes and what they can lead to. Well done!