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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 2 – Intermediate)
Topic: Sad (07/26/07)

TITLE: Past Regret
By Scott Parish
07/26/07


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There was a time Iíd have to say
I just didnít care to see the next day
Iíd spend hours thinking of you.
Wonderiní how we could be through.
Iíd talk to your picture and ask it why.
Canít you forgive me. Canít we just try.

Dream filled nights of days passed and I yearned
Recollections of intimacy in my brain were burned
Moments of sleep I could feel my breath against your hair
Until I awaked to find the sheets tossed about and you not there
Everyday I find my feet find the floor
And each time I glance beside me hoping to see the face I adore

Goodbye beautiful. I want you to know
I understand why you had to go.
Some things can never be forgiven
No justifying, objectifying or half reason
I can only promise to carry the weight
Of losing true love after finding a soul mate.


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This article has been read 340 times
Member Comments
Member Date
Brian Russell08/02/07
Wow, that was sad. I normally can't even get into poems, but, man. That was really good. Saying that I "liked it alot," just doesn't seem to be the correct response for something so close to the heart and sad, but it was very good. Well-written and heart-filled. Oh, and, uh, sorry dude.
Janice Cartwright08/02/07
Your poem has a lilting quality that grows with each reading.
Trevas Walker08/02/07
Captures the topic well. The poem flows well, and the feelings in the poem are clearly stated.

There are a couple places in the poem where you could have used puncutation to gain emphasis.

Also the word "awaked" I would have replaced with "awoke"... but then language varies from one place to another and that may just be a difference for that reason.

Overal all great job. I did enjoy the poem.
Jan Ackerson 08/04/07
Wow, you've really exposed your soul here! Very moving.

Work on making your meter more consistent, to give your poem a smoother flow.

If this is true, and she's really your soul mate--go get her back!
Jeanette Oestermyer 08/04/07
A real interesting tale. Try to be more consistant with your line lengths, as well as the meter by counting syllables.
The story is truly a good read. God Bless,