The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
07/26/07
Wonderfully written lesson to us all. Skillful play on words, too. Congratulations!
Some people are VERY slow learners it seems. If we can't get it right by the time we're ready to be laid out, the question is, "Will we ever?"

Good writing - good message!
07/27/07
Loved this story. It also saddened me that he had missed the point of his sin.
The final line put the focus on the real point.

There's no sense of regret or remorse for his actions, only a sense of unfairness in the aftermath and even that he sees as God's fault.

The old "others have done worse" is an often used justification but God holds His shepherds to a higher stand. He not only sinned but brought reproach on the name of the Lord.

The saddest part is his lack of true brokenness over his own actions. No cry for forgiveness. An excellent example of humans, who always put the enphasis on the minor while missing the major sin.
07/27/07
A little story that packs a wallop of a message! You did an excellent job of giving the reader enough information to make the story plausible without weighing it down in details. That's good, tight writing!
07/31/07
I'd love to see this re-written not as just a conversation between the two oldsters, but as a story about the pastor's wrongdoing, with more narrative. A really good concept here!