I sat at my vanity with my hair up in a towel ready to put on my makeup.
My reflection was looking back at me as if it were trying to tell me something.
I could see a young woman caught between confusion and change.
So many questions that didnít seem to have answers.
Why am I putting on makeup? I questioned myself.
Is it because I donít feel pretty enough? I thought as I stared at my flawless complexion.
What about these bones I see showing through my skin? I gently touched my neck and shoulders as I thought about the many times I would turn away food or make myself throw up after a meal.
Is it because I donít feel thin enough?
I took my eyes off the mirror for a moment to take a glimpse at the clothes I had laid out.
Are designer clothes so important? Itís fun to shop and pick out nice clothes but is that all it is? I questioned.
Is it because I donít feel accepted enough?
Thoughts kept running through my mind.
Then I remembered someone told me that the eyes are the window to the soul.
I took a deeper look as I locked eyes with myself.
What am I doing with a little black book filled with numbers for boys? Just friends I tell myself, but is it more?
Is it because I donít feel loved enough?
I wondered why I didnít think about these things before.
What makes me do things that I shouldnít with my friends? I could see the sadness on my face.
Is it because I want to fit in? Rejection hurts,as I felt my eyes get teary.
I didnít realize I was struggling with so many things.
I continued to stare at the reflection in the mirror.
Then I looked past the clutter and saw a beautiful young woman of God.
Behind the makeup and clothes, behind the boys, starvation diets and friends, I knew I was loved just the way I am.
Others had rejected me but I reminded myself that God chose me to be on His team.
You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you that you should go and bear fruit and that your fruit should abide, so that whatever you ask the Father in my name, he may give it to you. John 15:16 ESV
Friends would say one thing and do another but God doesnít change His mind, I thought of another scripture.
God is not a man, that he should lie, or a son of man, that he should change his mind. Numbers 23:19 ESV
I thought about the many times my friends would tire, as I would share something I was struggling with. However, God listens whenever I need someone to talk to no matter how long I keep him.
He is with me through every challenge and change.
I will never leave you or forsake you. Hebrews 13:5 ESV
It was a relief that I could just be myself and not hide anymore.
I no longer had to be a prisoner within myself.
I am free.
So if the Son sets you free, you are free indeed. John 8:36 ESV
As I felt the joy rise in my spirit, I looked at a different reflection looking back at me.
I took the towel off my nearly dry hair shook it out and did what I liked to do most.
I started to sing the chorus from my favorite song by Chris Tomlin.
How can I keep from singing Your praise
How can I ever say enough
How amazing is your love
How can I keep from shouting Your name
I know I am loved by the King
And it makes my heart want to sing.
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