The Official Writing Challenge
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Date
06/14/07
Great detail and suspense! You captured the scene wonderfully.
This is a really fun read. I enjoyed it and I think teenagers would also. Good job.
Good adventure story. A few misused words, but easy to redeem. Good for teens too.
06/19/07
Good teen adventure! Teens would enjoy reading this.
06/20/07
Clever--not many people wrote teen mysteries this week.

I felt a bit let down by the ending, and your audience (teen boys) might not be thrilled at the bed-and-breakfast bit--perhaps a different resolution would work better?

Like the rural flavor in their dialect, and you did a great job of building suspense.
06/20/07
I was biting my nails through the whole thing. Great writing!
I really enjoyed this adventure story. You had great characters and rounded out your plot very well.
06/20/07
Oooh! How fun! I was with the boys all the way! It was so neat to go on an adventure on a stormy night. It was a real surprise for the Dad to turn up there. I was kind of hoping there was something a little more mysterious up there, but that will work, I guess. Very nice! I enjoyed this suspenseful read! Especially the bit with the girly scream. One note: You have "Hear" when it should be "Here". ^_^