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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 2 – Intermediate)
Topic: Write something in the YOUNG ADULT or TEEN genre (06/07/07)

TITLE: One Stormy Night
By LaNaye Perkins
06/11/07


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Adam and Jake set out on a mission. School was out for the summer and they decided to investigate the old Williamson house. It was located on the end of Thorne Hill Drive, and had been vacant since Clarence Williamson died in it three years ago. Although his death was suspicious, the County Coroner ruled his death was by natural causes. Both boys had seen lights in the old house lately. Neither would admit they believed in ghosts, so they were determined to find out what was really going on.

The night was exceptionally dark with the moon tucked behind the thick clouds of an approaching storm system. Lightning crackled through the sky, followed by rumbling thunder and accompanied by gusty winds. The boys had to use their flashlights as they picked their way through the overgrown path leading up to the back door of the house.

Walking around the back corner of the house with Jake in the lead, they startled an owl perched on a low limb. It flew off with a loud screech, scaring both boys half to death. Jake let out a yelp that sounded more like a girl than that of a 16 year old boy.

“Man! Did you see that? That ole’ hoot owl like to have scared the life out of me!”

“You got scared! Shoot fire! I done thought old man Williamson’s ghost had done gotcha fer sure!”

Adam lightheartedly pushed Jake’s shoulder to get him going again.

“Don’t worry man, I ain’t gonna tell nobody about your girly squeal!” Chuckling he added: “Come on, let‘s find a way inside.”

Jake sure was relieved it was his best buddy who’d heard that scream. He‘d never hear the end of it if his football team would have heard it. Those guys were brutal!

Adam tried the knob on the back door; surprisingly it wasn’t locked. In whispered tones he called out. “Jake, over hear”, and motioned to the door that now stood partially open. He pushed it slightly open causing the hinges to creak loudly. Both boys held their breath as they quietly stepped into the kitchen. “Sure hope no one heard that!” Jake whispered.

A strong gust of wind caught the old door and slammed it shut, causing both to jump. Adam started to say something when they heard foot steps in the room above them. They searched frantically for a place to hide when they realized that whoever was up there, was coming down the stairs. Fumbling around for cover they dove into the old pantry, then peered through the slight crack in the door.

Adam nearly fainted from fright when he walked headlong into an occupied spider’s web. He could feel the spiders crawling all over his head. As quietly as he could he franticly tried to swipe the critters off. Jake turned to see what the trouble was.

“Man, what in blazes is your problem?”

“Spiders, sheeeesh they’re crawling all over me, I can’t stand it!”

“shhhhhh….., whoever was upstairs is in the kitchen now!”

With a violent yank, the pantry door flew open. Both boys bolted out with swinging arms and charging for the door. Just as they thought they’d escape, a vice like grip caught both by the arm.

“What in tar-nation are you boys doing? You nearly gave me a heart attack!”

Confused, Jake looked up at the man holding him.

“Pa?”

“Answer the question. What are you doing poking around here?”

“Adam and I have seen lights around this old place lately. We was just investigatin’ Pa. We weren’t gonna do nothin’ wrong, honest!”

“Haven’t I told you never to poke your nose around other people’s property without permission?”

“Yeah, but what are you doing here?”

“Adam’s folks, your ma, and me decided to come look at this old place the other day. We agreed it would make a nice Bed and Breakfast. I’ve been coming out here in the evenings to work on the wiring so the electricity could be turned on. We plan to start remodeling the place as soon as the paperwork gets done.”

~~~~~~

Later that night at Jake’s house, the boys and both their parents enjoyed recounting the scenes of their adventure. Oftentimes, the laughter was so loud it could be heard well above the noise of that stormy night.


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This article has been read 768 times
Member Comments
Member Date
Joanne Sher 06/14/07
Great detail and suspense! You captured the scene wonderfully.
Kristen Hester06/14/07
This is a really fun read. I enjoyed it and I think teenagers would also. Good job.
Jacquelyn Horne06/18/07
Good adventure story. A few misused words, but easy to redeem. Good for teens too.
Dee Yoder 06/19/07
Good teen adventure! Teens would enjoy reading this.
Jan Ackerson 06/20/07
Clever--not many people wrote teen mysteries this week.

I felt a bit let down by the ending, and your audience (teen boys) might not be thrilled at the bed-and-breakfast bit--perhaps a different resolution would work better?

Like the rural flavor in their dialect, and you did a great job of building suspense.
Brenda Welc06/20/07
I was biting my nails through the whole thing. Great writing!
Verna Cole Mitchell 06/20/07
I really enjoyed this adventure story. You had great characters and rounded out your plot very well.
Sara Harricharan 06/20/07
Oooh! How fun! I was with the boys all the way! It was so neat to go on an adventure on a stormy night. It was a real surprise for the Dad to turn up there. I was kind of hoping there was something a little more mysterious up there, but that will work, I guess. Very nice! I enjoyed this suspenseful read! Especially the bit with the girly scream. One note: You have "Hear" when it should be "Here". ^_^