The Official Writing Challenge
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06/14/07
I liked your story and the message. Great job, keep writing :-)
06/15/07
Nice lesson here - though some of the dialogue seemed a bit young for teens - could be me, though! Good job with the characterization.
FYes, it always helps to be a part of the team. I'm sure this will be encouraging to teens. It's always nice to be a part of God's team too.
06/18/07
I wish schools would all outlaw that system of choosing teams! It's so painful for those of us who are picked last.

In my experience, girls like Ashely rarely experience a swing from rejection to acceptance so quickly--it'd be wonderful if your sweet story were true.
Your story was encouraging in that things improved when she just decided to do her best. It may not always work that way, but it's always good to put forth the effort, since that builds confidence. Good job.
06/18/07
Most teens can relate to being picked last! Your entry is written well and kept me reading. Good story.
This was great writing. I could really feel Ashlie's feelings! Nice!!!
The triumph of this story is that she put herself out there and didn't quit before she started. Her fear of failing didn't keep her from giving it her all.

I think God allows us to be put in uncomfortable situations to help us grasp the full meaing of success.

If there were now uncomfortable situations could we really understand and appreciate comfort?

Her actions transformed her team. They went from rejecting her to celebrating with her.
I liked your visual, minute-by-minute phrases: "wiped her glasses on her t-shirt, shoved them back on her face, dried her hands on her skirt and stepped back up to the plate," and descriptive words like shuffled, wind-milled and floated. All these helped me, the reader, to "be in Ashley's head."
06/19/07
Nice job showing us Ashley's emotions, and great descriptions. I love the happy ending. Only wish it would happen more. Awesomely encouraging. :)
06/20/07
This was good. It seemed a little too lucky that she managed to hit one and then get tagged out in the same hit. But it was realistic showing her different mood swings so suddenly, from happy to sad to happy and then a little glad. Very good. I like it.
06/20/07
This is a story that is sure to resonate with many, and I really enjoyed the message you so neatly brought to light. Great writing!
The description and the flow in the story make it a very enjoyable read.
I like it. I think you did a great job of getting us to feel along with Ashley, both her disappointment, and then encouragement when she was accepted as part of the time.
06/20/07
Definitely a relatable story for teens. Nicely written!