The Official Writing Challenge
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Good article on teen's woes and how God works even for teens. Good story. A winner maybe?
06/14/07
This is pretty darn great! As a teen myself (I have a feeling, I'll be saying that a lot), this really held my attention. I thought that the tampon thing (though antirely possible, I know...) felt sorta out of place, especially with the sudden "Hi, I'm David, I'm new. Ya wanna go to prom with me?" lol, but I know the word count can be an issue sometimes. I suspect you'll be moving up to advanced pretty soon...
06/14/07
Oh, and I forgot to mention, Keep up the good work!
06/14/07
Superb job! You did such a good job replicating a teenager's life that I found myself breaking out as I read it! One of the biggest challenges for teenagers is the embarrassment they're always feeling. Boy, did you capture it, authentically. You could do no better than to have the girl spill her purse...with a tampon in it! Could there possibly be anything more embarrassing? My only suggestion here is to have her show it more: make her face turn red, make her feel hot and flushed as her face turns red. She must have wanted to crawl into a hole and pull the hole in after her. You've set it up, now finish the picture! You have an incredible talent and, in my opinion, this may very well be a winner. I hope that your bags are packed for Advanced, because, if this doesn't do it, with this talent, it won't be long. Well written and creative. Keep it up.
06/15/07
You did a wonderful job of getting right into the middle of your MC's life and heart. This felt completely, entirely and totally authentic. Good stuff!
06/15/07
Very good story! I like the humor and the setting; it's very authentic.
06/16/07
Yes, you did capture a teen setting -- with teen issues and teen priorities. I enjoyed the "urban lingo" and learned a new spelling for "phase" (I might have to throw that one at my 15-year-old). :) I'll definitely have her read this!

As for the purse contents...that made for a memorable first meeting. :)

Could you have possibly wanted the word "conscious" instead of conscience?

I enjoyed this very much...and I'll soon get an "expert" opinion for you. :)
06/16/07
I loved the whole thing but especially the last line where you thank God for "having your back".

GREAT JOB.

Pauly
06/17/07
Comments from my teenager (plus a couple of 20-something girls listened as well) -- They enjoyed the humor that was throughout the piece. The description of the scene in the movie theater, and the phrase that went something like "the male head of the kissing monster" was really enjoyed.

I asked my 15-year old if anything like this had ever happened to her. I WAS SHOCKED to learn that when she was at Wal-Mart once her purse caught on the bag holders spilling all its contents! She said, fortunately no boys were around or there were no embarrasing items spilled ;).
06/18/07
Excellent! She sounds so real - and I love her friend. I would have been much more mortified than the MC was when he handed her the tampon; she seemed to almost take it in stride. You have a good chance of placing with this article (imho). :)
Told you that you would move up quickly and this story isn't going to hold you back!
If not this quarter, next one you will be with me in advanced and more than likely get to Masters before me! I epecially liked the make-out monster and the "side show". Great descriptive, humorous phrases. Yes, a couple of tech mistakes, but nothing huge and it didn't take away from the story. Another great job!
I loved this story. It wasn't so dark. I loved that it contained humor. A romantic comedy.

My favorite line was, "“Okay, God,” I pray silently, “This would be a really good time for the rapture.” I also loved the tampon bit.

Good work. I could picture it in my mind like a movie was playing. Thank you.
06/19/07
Excellent!
06/20/07
One of the best this week.
06/20/07
Your story drew me in, and kept me the whole way through. I love the way you used humor to deliver such a powerful message. The big man has your back... great job!
A most enjoyable read for the humor and the characters, as well as the plot. I hope it places.
06/20/07
Well done. This would make a good after school special--do they still have those? LOL I loved the flow of this story. I also am very proud of myself for knowing what an emo is having just gone over this with my teenagers! Great writing.
Great story and great writing. Loved "McDreamy" - cute! Well done!
06/20/07
This was great. You should really move up into advanced; you're too good for even this level. The end was the only part that could use some help, and that can be solved by making it longer so that it's not such a rush job on his asking her to prom. I'd look into ttrying to submit it somewhere after that -- maybe Brio magazine has fiction.
06/20/07
LOL! This is definitely teen stuff. I liked it and I loved Nicole. She was easy to relate to. Good job. T and all. lol. ^_^
Really enjoyed reading this Kristen!! Just loved the humour throughout...Well done!!
Very well written. This is a very good read. Great job.