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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 2 – Intermediate)
Topic: Write something suitable for CHILDREN (05/31/07)

TITLE: The Day No One Told Hannah What to Do
By Kristen Hester
06/02/07


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Eight year old Hannah was a good girl, most of the time. She tried to do what was right and not get in trouble. But one day Hannah got tired of being told what to do.

It was Monday morning. Hannah’s mother woke her up and told her to get dressed for school. Hannah wiped the sleep out of her eyes, and slowly crawled out of bed. She wished she could stay in bed a little longer. She heard her mom yell from down the hall, “Hannah, don’t forget to brush your hair. And wear a sweater because it’s cold today.” She did as she was told, like the good girl that she was.

She made her way to the kitchen and joined her family at the breakfast table where she heard things like, “Sit up straight”, “Don’t play with your food”, “Chew with your mouth closed”, and “Clear your plate”.

After breakfast, she was told to grab her backpack, hurry up, get in the car, hurry up, buckle her seatbelt, hurry up, and to not sing so loud. At school, there was a new group of grown ups to boss her around. All day long she was told what to do, and when to do it. “When can I do what I want,” she wondered.

Things didn’t get any better after school. She had to do her homework, clean her room, take her bath, say her prayers, and go to bed.

Finally, she was tired of it. When she crawled into bed, she prayed, “Dear God, please don’t let anyone tell me what to do! I’m sick of it.”

The next morning Hannah opened her eyes and looked around her room. Something was different. She went to the kitchen and saw that it was already cleaned from breakfast. Her mother was doing the laundry. Hannah looked at the clock and saw that it almost 11 o’clock. “Mom, why didn’t you wake me? I’m late for school!”

“I can take you now, Hannah,” her mother offered.

Hannah jumped in the car and her mother drove her to school. She was almost to school when she remembered she wasn’t wearing her seatbelt. How could her mom let her forget that? When she got to school, her class was already at lunch. Hannah realized she didn’t have a lunch and had not eaten breakfast. She was happy to see her best friend, Elizabeth. Maybe she would share some of her lunch.

“Elizabeth, you’ll never believe what happened this morning,” Hannah began.

“Hannah, what’s wrong with you?” her friend interrupted. “You are wearing your pajamas, your hair is a mess and your breath stinks.” Hannah looked down at her pajamas in shock. She had forgotten to get dressed. She was very embarrassed. Hannah ran to the bathroom and hid there until school was out.

When she arrived home, her growling stomach reminded her that she had not eaten. She found a bag of cookies and ate all of them. After that, Hannah wasn’t feeling so well, so she laid down on the couch and watched TV. Then Hannah remembered that she had ballet class on Tuesday afternoons. “Mom, I have ballet.”

“I’m sorry, Hannah. Your class was over hours ago. I didn’t know you wanted to go,” her mother said.

“What’s happening?” Hannah wondered.

Disappointed that she had missed her ballet class, she decided to go outside and play. She put on her roller skates, but forgot to wear her knee pads. Usually, someone reminded her to do this. Hannah skated until it was dark. She couldn’t see very well in the dark, so she accidentally skated over a stick and fell. She skinned her knees since she wasn’t wearing her knee pads.

Hannah limped back into her house. She could tell by the sound of the running dishwasher and the quiet house that her family had already eaten dinner and gone to bed. Hannah was hungry, hurting, and dirty, but no one seemed to care. She went to her room and got down on her sore knees and prayed, “Dear God, please make people tell me what to do. I guess I do need them after all.” Then Hannah cried herself to sleep.

Hannah awoke to the sound of her mother’ s voice. “Hannah. Wake up. It’s Tuesday and you don’t want to be late for school.”
Hannah smiled. Yesterday had been a bad dream “Thank you, God,” she whispered, “for all the people who tell me what to do.”


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This article has been read 782 times
Member Comments
Member Date
John Barnts06/07/07
I don't usually leave comments, but I really enjoyed this one. It has a nice message for us adults who don't want to be told what to do by our Father.
Laisa Jones06/07/07
I like it! It gets the point across in a smooth story. You grabbed my attention and kept it.
Esther Gellert06/08/07
I liked this so much that I called my 7 year old daughter and read it to her. She said, "That's pretty good." I hope she gets the point of it as well...
Denise Pienaar06/08/07
What children don't realise is that adults also do not have the freedom to do exactly as they please. A lovely story that illustrates the importance of rules and discipline in our lives. I like the way that discipline is equated with love or caring. Great job!
Joanne Sher 06/09/07
What an excellent object lesson! This is great.
David Butler 06/10/07
Excellent lesson, brilliantly told. Appeals to kids and adults alike, I'm sure of it. Sometimes, tragically, the burnt hand is the best teacher.
Myrna Noyes06/10/07
Very cute story with a wonderful message for children AND adults! Sometimes we grown-ups get too busy telling kids what to do and don't ever ask what they would LIKE to do. We forget to play with them, help them, and praise them! Good message to kids,too, on obedience, submission to authority, etc. I enjoyed this very much! :)
Dee Yoder 06/10/07
Very good story and a strong message! How well I remember being "bossed" as a child. I think children would relate well to your story and even enjoy learning the lesson in it!
Angela Posey-Arnold06/11/07
I love this. Would make a good kids book. You could expand so much on this.
Mo 06/11/07
Liked the last line.
Jan Ackerson 06/12/07
I liked this very much! I think it'd have even more impact if it weren't just a dream, if all of the people in Hannah's life had simply agreed not to tell her what to do for a day. That'd be a lesson she'd never forget, while dreams often fade away.

Your writing is top-notch, and you have just the right voice for children's reading.
Verna Cole Mitchell 06/13/07
This is an excellent story with a really great message.
Jacquelyn Horne06/13/07
Very good lesson story. Children love to read these kind of stories.
Pat Guy 06/13/07
What a wonderful way to teach such a lesson! I didn't get that it was a bad dream, but then it's probably just me.

Either way - it's another awesome story you have here!
Rita Garcia06/13/07
A wonderful story with lesson neatly wrapped inside! Love it!
Sara Harricharan 06/14/07
***Congrats on your placing...and on an excellent story! The message is great and I loved the character of Hannah.
Janice Cartwright 06/14/07
Kristen - I echo the other comments and agree the voice is perfect for the age group. I like the neat way you tied everything together providing a satisfactory finish.
Myrna Noyes06/14/07
CONGRATULATIONS on your win for this great story! :)
Loren T. Lowery 06/14/07
Very nice story and well-deserved award placement. Keep up the good writing!
Sharlyn Guthrie 06/16/07
Kristen,
I enjoyed this story! It's very creative and well-written, and LOOK, it did very well. Congratulations!
Melissa Albrecht06/16/07
Well done Kristen...I really enjoyed reading this cleverly told story. Keep up the great writing!!
Mo 07/28/07
Thanks for this! I just hunted it down to read to a certain young child... :-)


   
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