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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 2 – Intermediate)
Topic: Write in the ADVENTURE genre (05/24/07)

TITLE: Kaitlyn's first adventure
By Esther Gellert
05/29/07


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Kaitlyn had been increasingly aware of the fact that her world seemed to be shrinking.

Most of the time her room was a peaceful place, perfect for sleeping or playing quietly as she basked in the warm red light that often surrounded her. Occasionally the distant sound of voices could be heard, overriding the regular ‘thump, thump, thump’ that seemed almost to come from the very core of her being.

After a sleep she would stretch her arms and legs as much as she could in the limited space available. Sometimes she would scrunch herself up into a tight little ball, hugging her knees to her chest, as the walls seemed to press in upon her.

She was awakened one day by a strange prodding through the wall. The muffled voices were louder and sounded harsh. The familiar one was most noticeable, and the gentle, loving tones she was used too were not heard.

Suddenly, the walls of her room squeezed tightly around her, pushing, pushing.

Kaitlyn pushed back, kicking with her legs and trying to push the walls back with her hands.

For a long time after that Kaitlyn felt like she was in a nightmare. The walls pushed and squeezed her, forcing her into a narrow tunnel. Kaitlyn fought back until she was exhausted, but it was no use. The inexorable pushing continued, on and on.

Finally, just as Kaitlyn thought she could not bear it any longer, she felt her head burst through an opening. Her body was squeezed once more, and then it too was pushed out into a blindingly bright, painfully noisy and freezing cold place.

Kaitlyn felt something poke around in her mouth and then a burning rippled through her lungs as the ice-cold air filled them for the first time. A wailing sound filled her ears, and Kaitlyn realized, with an odd sense of power, that it was coming from her. Large hands lifted her and laid her on another warm body.

Kaitlyn allowed her eyes to open a crack. As they adjusted to the bright light, she heard a voice speaking gently. It was the same familiar voice she had been hearing for as long as she could remember, and yet it was different also. It was no longer muffled and distant, but was clear and unhindered by the now absent ‘thump, thump, thump’.

That lovely voice whispered gently as a large finger stroked her cheek.

“Oh! You’re so beautiful. Hello, Kaitlyn. I’m your Mother.”


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This article has been read 520 times
Member Comments
Member Date
Mo 06/01/07
Very creative adventure!
Jan Ackerson 06/02/07
Very sweet.
Shari Armstrong 06/04/07
Great details..... and the adventure is only beginning :)
Joanne Sher 06/04/07
What a creative take on the topic! It took me quite a while to catch on, but that made it so much more delightful! Great job.
Terry R A Eissfeldt 06/04/07
Great descriptions. Enjoyed it thoroughly.
Sandra Petersen 06/04/07
The first paragraph was very good, hinting without letting me know outright where you were taking me. Good descriptions.

I especially liked this line: "A wailing sound filled her ears, and Kaitlyn realized, with an odd sense of power, that it was coming from her."
And from that point on, a baby knows how to use that cry to communicate, don't they? Good job!
Tabiatha Tallent06/04/07
I loved this. You grabbed my attention right away, kept it, and then surprised me! Great job.
Benjamin Graber06/04/07
Neat twist to suprise us! Very creative idea - great job!
Benjamin Graber06/04/07
Oops, that would be "surprise us" not "suprise us" - sorry about that!
Verna Cole Mitchell 06/06/07
Beautiful story of the adventure of birth. How crative and well told!
Sherrie Jackson06/06/07
This was so fun! The first couple of paragraphs had an almost science-fiction feel to them, and then I laughed out loud as I realized what was happening.

I, too, like the sentence where the baby realizes her cry has power. If only the little ones wouldn't catch on so quick... :-P

Great job, this was so fun to read and very well-written.
Jacquelyn Horne06/06/07
Great account of a birth here. Good job.
Kristen Hester06/06/07
This is beautiful! I always knew birth was an adventure for the mother. I never thought of it from the infant's POV.
Sara Harricharan 06/06/07
Sweet and simple. This is beautiful reading and well written. I liked this take on the adventure, especially the last line. Good job.
william price06/06/07
Very Kool. God bless.
Dee Yoder 06/06/07
Great point of view! I did my senior science research on the memory of a newborn in relation to hearing mom's recorded heartbeat...calmed newborns for a few weeks after birth! Your story reminded me of that powerful bond. :)
Pamela Kliewer06/06/07
Wow... my eyes got wide as I realized what this was about. I absolutely love this!
Rita Garcia06/07/07
Precious! Creative and awesome!