The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
05/31/07
Hi. This is a great little story. I had a hard time reading through it because of all those wierd symbols in the text. You did a good job with the characters in a short space, but the beginning was a little hard to follow. I very much enjoyed the story overall.
I was captivated by the story. Very unique and good.
06/03/07
Interesting story...I was unclear, though, on how Mary came to be a slave. This seems to be a contemporary story (by the names of the characters, and their speech), so the slavery confused me.

The central story and message--where is the treasure of treasures, and Mary's sacrifce--is lovely.
06/06/07
Lovely ending to this imaginative story! :) I would suggest, though, that you use paragraphs with spacing between them to make for easier reading. Keep writing! :)
06/07/07
Thank you for your kind comments! Well, I am trying in this story, to increase my skill in character building using dialogue alone.

I hope to train myself to be better in writing about dialogue.

I will take note about the paragraphing.

All glories and honors and credits for this story belongs really... in the end to God.

:)