The Official Writing Challenge
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A very original approach. You painted a very dramatic picture of this soldier's wounding. I would have liked a little more background on his origin, regiment and what part of the field where he fell (I think that may have added a little more "personality") but other than that, it is a very good narrative. I could even see this becoming a longer piece in the future as the reminiscence of veterans are always touching stories.
05/10/07
The writing style here reminded me of Ambrose Bierce's "Occurance at Owl Creek Bridge". It's worth a read, if you're not familiar with it. Nicely done, I like the non-specificty of it; it gives it an "any man" sort of feel.
05/11/07
I liked your story. It made me think of the battle of a christian soldier who ended his fight with life and finally made it to the other side where others who kept the faith were waiting to greet him home. Very good writing.
I like how you wrote this from a soldier's perspective, drawing what it could have been like to be in his shoes.
I was slightly confused at first by the transition between the battle and many years later, and would suggest that you put some type of mark between the two parts to help the reader see the transition sooner.
Keep up the good work!
05/11/07
This is a moving tale. I wasn't sure at first that we had moved to present day--consider asterisks or similar for separation. Your description of his emotion and desire to survive was gripping.
05/11/07
Very moving story from the soldier's personal perspective!

I noticed that in the first three paragraphs you used three "ly" words in a somewhat repetitive way: suddenly, slowly, and faintly. I suggest using more varied words here.

I enjoyed reading this and liked his focus on the flag! Good job! :)
Good story of a soldier's memories of war. Well written.
05/12/07
This was well done. (The others are correct that you need a transition of some kind.) One of the things that was done well was describing how his sound and vision changed with the physical trauma, and how the sight of the flag affected the character.
Very moving. You might rethink "the sounds became a blur" in sentence two. Blur is visual where muffled, muted, faint are more audible. It's minor in a marvelous piece.
05/13/07
A touching story of a bloody war...and as a Peace advocate, I wish for the day when Jesus returns and there will be no more war!! Nicely done.
I loved this story. One of my favorite lines was when you tell of how he looked at the flag he was shot for. Great job!
This is a very moving account, I think it's marvelous to keep our minds on the soldiers that way nothing that we go through seems at all difficult to bear, so many of our husbands and wives, fathers and mothers, and sons and daughters have not made it home, that in itself makes me look up and thank god that I have loved ones I can see and hold for that I am forever grateful, when you think of things like this, an argument seems that much more silly to have with our loved ones, thank you for the reminder, God Bless you, this is brilliant.