The Official Writing Challenge
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Well written, a couple of spelling items I noticed, however, it didn't detract from the story. Again, well done.
05/10/07
Great allegory, and I was drawn in by the unusual, attention-grabbing title.

The story could use some dialogue--that would make it come even more alive. Also, three paragraphs in a row begin with the phrase "As I said"--probably only one would suffice.

Interesting perspective!
05/10/07
Great allegory, and I was drawn in by the unusual, attention-grabbing title.

The story could use some dialogue--that would make it come even more alive. Also, three paragraphs in a row begin with the phrase "As I said"--probably only one would suffice.

Interesting perspective!
05/15/07
Good story, The use of "As I said.." so many times actually distracted me. Otherwise it was interesting. Thanks
I really liked this piece. The title is attention grabbing. And yes, comments made about spelling and "As I said" are relevant technical things easily changed. But the creativity behind this shines. Well done! Keep up the good work.