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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 2 – Intermediate)
Topic: Write in the HISTORICAL genre (05/03/07)

TITLE: "A Cold Day in Hell"
By Richard Adams
05/04/07


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Long, long ago and far away a handsome Prince glowed with pride over his accomplishments. His farther, The King, loved him despite the Princes faults, and gave him a place to rule in His Kingdom. As he stood looking over the wealth and power he possessed he felt good about how far he had come since he had first begun.

As I said, the Prince was handsome; and he was so charming that every creature loved to her his voice. He was a “smooth talker” and a good salesman. He was a gifted singer and wrote beautiful songs that he played on all kinds of instruments. He had skills in administering authority and set up his governments throughout the principalities as everything worked in his favor, and he became more popular. The Prince could speak every language that people spoke and could even talk to the animals, so his influence grew and grew as every living thing in his part of the kingdom was attracted to him.

The Prince became so powerful he thought to himself, “no one is like me because I have accomplished such great things,” so he grew more conceited and vain concerning his authority in his part of The Kings Kingdom. No one dared go against his rules, or question his decrees, because he thought he could do anything he wanted.

One day the King sent his Ambassadors to the Prince’s territory but the Prince stole the Ambassador’s key, a symbol of their authority under The King, and placed them under arrest.

As I said, the Prince was charming and a “smooth talker”; he convinced the King’s Ambassadors that everything in the Prince’s territory belonged to him alone, so the King’s authority was of no use there. Because the Prince had “captured” the King’s Ambassadors, any other subjects of the King that came into the Prince’s land became a slave to the Prince because he kept the key of authority. It wasn’t long before the Prince thought he had authority over the entire Kingdom.

As I said, the Prince was conceited; he thought he had everything under control and no one could change that. He became so hungry for power and control that he made a degree that went out to all his subjects. It became Law that he and those of his government could use evil reprisal against anyone and anything they wished; and so evil became the identity of his principality. The Prince had invented a weapon that forced every living thing to submit to his authority, even the Ambassador’s of the King and all his subjects that the Prince had put under slavery.

As I said, the Prince was evil; he became more and more advanced in the use of this new power he had invented. So he found ways to make evil disease living things and make them suffer. Then he found a way to graft evil right into the bloodstream of living things so they would hate one another and kill one another. He gained the power to place evil thoughts in the minds of living beings so they began to be evil too; and they would be more like the Prince

One day the King sent new Ambassadors that couldn’t hear the voice of the Prince because the King placed a key of authority in their hearts, where the Prince couldn’t find it. They spoke a language the Prince didn’t understand and were valiantly determined despite the warfare the Prince and his government waged against them. Soon there were so many of the King’s subjects in the land of the Prince he didn’t notice that the King himself had arrived disguised as a simply faithful subject.

As I said, the Prince was vain; he had established a throne for himself where he overlook his kingdom and wheeled his powerful evil. It was “his sanctuary” and the Prince held the key he had stolen from the King’s Ambassadors there.

One day the King, clothed like a living being and alone, surprised the Prince in his sanctuary. He boldly swung open the door between the light of His Kingdom and darkness of evil’s domain and ripped them from their hinges. It was a cold day in hell as He stripped the key of authority from the Prince’s grasp, and led away all those the Prince had enslaved. Then the King gave the key of authority to his subjects, the living beings, waging war against the Prince’s defeated government until He returns again.


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This article has been read 462 times
Member Comments
Member Date
Dennis Fletcher05/10/07
Well written, a couple of spelling items I noticed, however, it didn't detract from the story. Again, well done.
julie wood05/10/07
Great allegory, and I was drawn in by the unusual, attention-grabbing title.

The story could use some dialogue--that would make it come even more alive. Also, three paragraphs in a row begin with the phrase "As I said"--probably only one would suffice.

Interesting perspective!
julie wood05/10/07
Great allegory, and I was drawn in by the unusual, attention-grabbing title.

The story could use some dialogue--that would make it come even more alive. Also, three paragraphs in a row begin with the phrase "As I said"--probably only one would suffice.

Interesting perspective!
Jerry R05/15/07
Good story, The use of "As I said.." so many times actually distracted me. Otherwise it was interesting. Thanks
Pam Carlson-Hetland05/16/07
I really liked this piece. The title is attention grabbing. And yes, comments made about spelling and "As I said" are relevant technical things easily changed. But the creativity behind this shines. Well done! Keep up the good work.