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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 2 – Intermediate)
Topic: Write in the ROMANCE genre (04/19/07)

TITLE: HE STARTED TO WEEP
By Paul Potenza
04/24/07


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HE STARTED TO WEEP

At sixteen years old he had recently been released from a self imposed prison.

That prison was what adults laughingly referred to as "baby fat".

All of his life he had been enslaved by excess weight. A romantic leading man encased in rolls of flab. Cathy thought of him as a "friend" but he thought of her as a beautiful woman. He dreamed of being an astronaut because that's what boys of the sixties aspired to. Astronauts were HEROS like John Glenn who captured the world's attention while their beautiful women bit their nails and waited with baited breath for their heros to come back to earth.

So he lost weight in the hopes that Cathy would recognize him as more than a friend. It worked pretty well except for the severe case of acne that he had somehow acquired. (If it's not ONE thing it's another.)

But now she really WAS noticing him. She actually invited him to her house...and her parents allowed him to come in and even (Oh, sublime agony) spend an hour in the family room which was located in the basement. (The door was wide open of course...this WAS the sixties when "getting to first base" was a baseball play and "going all the way" meant a trip to The State Capital".)

After his date, he was lying on his bed and the song "Mandy" by Barry Manillow was playing on the radio. (AM Station of course.) Back then FM stations were all run by college students.

But the WORDS to that song.

"Oh MANDY...When you KISSED me and stopped me from shaking and I NEEEEEED YOOOUUUU!"

He started to weep.

At Fifty Two years old he had recently been released from a self imposed prison. That prison was what Satan laughingly refers to as "Sin".

All of his life he had been enslaved by excess weight. An ambassador for Christ encased in coils of doubt. Jesus thought of him as a "friend" but he thought of Jesus as something unattainable. He dreamed of being an Apostle because that's what Christians of the year 2007 aspire to. Apostles are HEROS like Peter who make mistakes but try their darndest while their Saviour waits patiently for them to get to heaven.

So he lost his coils in the hopes that Jesus would recognize him as more than a friend. It worked pretty well except for the fact that sin kept popping up in his life like a bad case of acne.

But now Jesus really was noticing him. He actually invited him to His house and His FATHER allowed him to come in.

After his date, he was lying on his bed and the song "It Is Well With My Soul" was playing in his mind.

The words went "The TRUMP shall resound and the LORD shall desend...Even SOO it is WELL with my SOOOUUULL!"

He started to weep.


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This article has been read 469 times
Member Comments
Member Date
julie wood04/26/07
I really enjoyed this story! I loved the symmetry of the main character's teenage experience with losing weight and getting a girlfriend being compared to his adult conversion experience. Wonderful parallels drawn here!

Alao beautifully vivid descriptions used both times. My two favorite phrases: "encased in rolls of flab" and "encased in coils of doubt."

"Heros" should be spelled "heroes" and the age "fifty-eight" does not need to be capitalized.

Intriguing title. I also liked the way this was used twice in the story--perfectly fitting for the narrator's two life-changing experiences!
Marilyn Schnepp 05/03/07
I don't care what the Judges say, I think this was super! But perhaps "they" (the Judges) didn't think of this as romance. Truthfully, my friend, it would make a perfect THIS WEEK's Topic, a devotional or inspirational piece. But I liked the opposites of a 16 yr. old and a 50 plus year old man; both "Starting to weep" as they listened to music from their era... very touching...and of course, had it's humor. Right on! Good Job!