The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
04/26/07
I really enjoyed this story! I loved the symmetry of the main character's teenage experience with losing weight and getting a girlfriend being compared to his adult conversion experience. Wonderful parallels drawn here!

Alao beautifully vivid descriptions used both times. My two favorite phrases: "encased in rolls of flab" and "encased in coils of doubt."

"Heros" should be spelled "heroes" and the age "fifty-eight" does not need to be capitalized.

Intriguing title. I also liked the way this was used twice in the story--perfectly fitting for the narrator's two life-changing experiences!
05/03/07
I don't care what the Judges say, I think this was super! But perhaps "they" (the Judges) didn't think of this as romance. Truthfully, my friend, it would make a perfect THIS WEEK's Topic, a devotional or inspirational piece. But I liked the opposites of a 16 yr. old and a 50 plus year old man; both "Starting to weep" as they listened to music from their era... very touching...and of course, had it's humor. Right on! Good Job!