Previous Challenge Entry (Level 2 – Intermediate)
Topic: Write in the HUMOR genre (04/12/07)
TITLE: Excerpts from The Family Humor Book
By Tammy Bovee
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Up in the air
My husband Jeff and his friend Dave went to visit a hot air balloon company in efforts to drum up customers for their new business. “Are you wearing goggles?” my husband asked Dave. “Ah, I don’t know, all I know is I’m not going up in that thing during business negotiations.”
A Sticky Situation
“Who needs the directions?” I sighed, standing in front of the mirror, feeling rather luxurious over my upcoming spa experiment. I quickly opened the do-it-yourself eyebrow kit I had bought at the drugstore and cut the clear sticky tape into half moons. Applying the strips to my under-brow area I quickly pulled them off. “Whew, that was easy”, I mused. But as I tried to blink I realized I had a problem. My eyelids were sticking together. I quickly grabbed a few cotton balls and started wiping my lids. But instead of removing the glue they stuck to my lids. Any amount of rubbing only made them stick more. It was then I looked in the mirror. The image that stared back at me reminded me of one of my early Sunday school projects. With sticky eyes I eagerly pulled out the directions and opened the oil, finally freeing myself.
A Little Too Close
My sister was being introduced by the pastor in a new church. As the pastor bent near her, so she could speak into his lapel mike, the mike snagged the protruding part of her pale blue sweater to his tie. Embarrassed, the pastor tried to back away only making matters worse. With tie clinging fast to my sister’s chest the bewildered pastor made a public offering to help.
As we packed and ordered the makeshift vacation cabin after a satisfying stay, the men stood in the kitchen watching the final four on a television they plopped down in the middle of the table. Because of fuzzy reception, the men watched all the closer, their eyes bulging full of excitement. The game was tight, just a few more minutes, and the next shot would determine the outcome.
Unable to just stand there I began to vacuum in the next room when, zap, all was dark! Audible gasps escaped from the kitchen, some fumbling, and the men darted out to the electric shed to reset the circuit breaker.
Grandpa pulled out a Bible to once again read the Christmas story. We all sat reflecting quietly, until he got to the part where the angels proclaimed the birth. Somehow Grandpas’ tongue got tangled, and instead of the angel’s traditional greeting, this angel said, “I bring you good tidings of great nudings.”
The mood of the service was serious as we prepared to take communion. The congregation read solemnly from the bulletin, following along. There was a moment when all was to be still as we paused to confess our sins before God, but misunderstanding the directions, suddenly several elderly men thundered out, obviously reading the words in parenthesis “pause for a moment of personal confession.”
Not so Peaceful Christmas
I was preparing for a concert with my mother and her sisters, about an hour from their home town. As my mother pulled the performance CD we were to use for the concert from the box she joked, “oh no, it’s the wrong one!” then stuck it in the player.
As the music began to play her cheerful grin suddenly faded into a look of sheer panic. This was not our performance CD but, another CD entitled “Peaceful Christmas”. We quickly sprang into action and by God’s grace were able to work out a rendezvous point so that we had the music by concert time.
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