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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 2 – Intermediate)
Topic: Write in the HUMOR genre (04/12/07)

TITLE: Blonde Like Me
By Connie Pilston Shoemaker


It began some 41 years ago when a sperm met an egg. Some DNA was exchanged and all that xy stuff ensued which resulted in me. In October of 1966 a bald, blue eyed baby girl came into the world. When I was two, blonde hair began sprouting and the rest is herstory… or my story. Being blonde all my life, I’ve had my share of blonde moments but I will never forget one particular day.

I woke up laughing hysterically one Wednesday morning about a joke I was told the previous Saturday. Still laughing, I went to the kitchen for breakfast and was delighted with the cereal my husband left on the counter. When I opened the box of Cheerios® I exclaimed "LOOK! A box of donut seeds!” Then I proceeded to stare at the thawing can of frozen orange juice for 2 hours because it said concentrate. I realized I was behind schedule and I set off with coffee to my office.

Sitting at my computer, this mysterious cup holder shot out of the side when I hit a button that said D: . Thankful for a place to put my coffee, I quickly got to work. After applying white out to my screen for the second time, my coffee spilled causing a short and my light went out. Thinking it was just a burned out bulb, I summoned my other blonde friends to help me change it. While my one blonde friend was turning the ladder so I could get the bulb out, she tripped and hurt her ankle.

Knowing a trip to the ER was in order; I decided to call 911 but couldn’t remember the number. So we headed out to my car grabbing our cell phones on the way. Standing by my car I realized my key fob wouldn’t unlock my car door, so I called OnStar to get them to let me into my car. Of course they had to inform me that the key on the ring with the fob would work in the door as well. Whatever.

We set off for the hospital listening to our favorite group Air Supply. After stopping to ask directions along the way, night began to fall. Yes it was already evening because we got lost in the desert and did the whole car door thing. At dusk, I realized I’d have to utilize my high beams, which of course was a workout in itself reaching through the steering wheel to operate the button on the floor.

Finally we got to the hospital, where, because we were blonde, we were able to park in the handicapped zone.

Walking into the hospital with my hands tightly over my ears, orderlies ran over to me thinking I was injured. I assured them I was just trying to hold onto a thought and that it was my limping blonde friend behind me who was in need of their help. They showed us where to wait. We sat in the waiting room eating M&M’s; peeling them was a challenge. They are not our favorite candy, but were the only thing in the machine. My friend had recently been fired from working at the M & M factory for throwing out the W’s so this candy came with bad memories.

When a nurse walked by with a red marker my friend broke into a cold sweat, I said “Misty, what’s wrong?” she said, “That nurse is coming to draw my blood.” Thankfully the nurse walked on. I looked down at my friend’s swollen ankle and noticed the TGIF for Toes go in first, written on her shoes was wearing off. I made a mental note to help her reapply later but I quickly forgot where I put it.

Things began looking up when a gorgeous doctor walked over to me and said, “Penny for your thoughts good lookin’” as I fished in my pocket for change; I asked him what his name was. As it turns out he was the same doctor that treated Misty and me for hypothermia after we went to the Drive In to see “Closed for the Winter” last January.

What a day.

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Member Comments
Member Date
julie wood04/19/07
This was fun to read! It reminded me of my Swedish great-great uncle who loved to tell insulting Swedish jokes!

Am curious as to whether the author made up the wacky incidents herself or creatively pieced together a series of "blonde jokes" she'd already heard. It was well written either way!
Jess Godwin04/20/07
*wipes away the laughter tears*

This was so enjoyable to read!
Michelle Burkhardt04/22/07
You can never fail with blonde jokes. I loved how you put them into a story. The computer cup holder cracked me up, but forgetting the "911" number too funny.
Jacquelyn Horne04/23/07
This is really hilarious. It loses something in the reading and not telling. It would be very good stand up comedy. Variations of voice would really put this piece on top. I don't mean to imply that it's not good, just that, as good as it is, it would be terrific in the telling.
David Butler04/24/07
I liked it. Makes me feel better about my racist comment I made at the expense of my Irish heritage.
Marilyn Schnepp 04/24/07
Loved it! When your name is finally revealed, will you kindly tell me how to get a cup holder out of my "D"? From the brilliance of this entry - I have a feeling you're acquainted(?) somehow to Miss Clairol. Just kidding..it was super! Made my day!!!
David Story04/26/07
Very funny!
Good job, Connie.
And congrats on the HC.