Previous Challenge Entry (Level 2 – Intermediate)
Topic: Write in the HUMOR genre (04/12/07)
TITLE: In Stitches (Literally)
By Kristoffer Riley
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While the hospital gown failed to provide the requisite laughter in prompted in days of old. This is due to the fact that they now give you a robe to put on top or underneath the gown; thus negating any attempt at finding humor. While I am grateful for the robe, I am not entirely sure this is a good thing. While I haven't conducted a gallop poll, I would presume that most surgical experiences make the recipient of the scalpel at least a tad nervous. Knowing this, it would seem the revealing nature of the procedural attire would provide at least a measure of comic relief for all involved. Now, they've taken away the last glimmer of levity before the big dance.
Of course, if you know where to look, you can always find something to amuse you.
Such was the case with my doc. After donning my tunic and being directed to the chair where my vitals would be taken, in came Doc Meyer. Normally, one would and probably should be alarmed when their surgeon comes in wearing near-knee high rubber boots and looking like he either just woke up or was about to cut on something besides a mannequin for the first time. That, coupled with the fact that he had to ask me which wrist he was going to operate on, might have set off a red flag. For some reason though, I was not perturbed or alarmed. I would love to say it was because my faith in God was at such a level that it eradicated all fear, but I might have just been in a state of delirium or shock...not sure. Anyway, he initialed my left wrist so he would not forget which to cut once I was lying helpless on the table. Looking back, I wonder what he would've done if I had scribed his initials on my right hand. Would he have looked back through the file? Played eenie, meenie, minie moe? Operated on both just to be sure? I guess it's a good thing I didn't think of this then.
I guess my only moment of pre-op wariness came when the nurse (Army lieutenant) apparently performed his first i.v. involving human flesh. Maybe he's one that can only get the needle in when the vein is hard to find because the one on the back of my right hand was easily visible. I noticed something was odd when I felt blood dripping down my fingers, then I noticed that vein was bulging, thus the rush of crimson coating my digits.
Thankfully, the operation went through without a hitch. At least that is what they told me when I woke up.
Finally, the biggest opportunity for operating room humor was avoided. My last name is Riley and my surgeon was also performing an operation (ankle surgery I believe) on an individual whose last name was O'Reilly.
Come to think of it...maybe that's why he initialed my arm.
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