The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
05/01/05
Very good. I could identify, having lived out west and had to dodge kangaroos and emus at dusk and afterwards. The sense of thankfulness when you finally arrive is sweet indeed. But after missing the sign - ouch! Thanks for posting.
05/01/05
This is a great story. (I’ve had those sorts of encounters but with cattle.) It flows well. You move the story along logically. Here a a couple of hints that will help you make your good story writing even better: 1. Get straight into the story. ‘Late that afternoon. (avoids that nasty preposition and saves you valuable words) 2. Think of the shortest way to say something ie Downtown rush hour traffic. 3. (oops I think I said a couple) avoid unnecessary dialogue tags, the emotion or tone is in the dialogue you don’t need to say: responded, spoke apologetically, exclaimed. 4. The beginning bit about the deer grabbed my attention because of the short sentences. Short sentences raise the tension. Keep them short and punchy for the rest of the paragraph. Contrast the intention of that paragraph with your lovely long sentences at the end which calm the reader down and gets me breathing again. I want to read more of your work.