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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 2 – Intermediate)
Topic: Shopping (03/01/07)

TITLE: Manna Hills Mercantile
By Myrna Noyes
03/07/07


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The bell jingle-jangled merrily as I pushed open the wooden door of “Manna Hills Mercantile.” It was as if I’d stepped back a century to the time of my grandmother’s childhood. The long, narrow building had a well-worn and rather creaky wooden floor, with old-time glass display cases lining one side of the wide center aisle. Wooden shelves stocked with canned and boxed goods ran the length of the room on both walls. Opposite the glass cases were bins overflowing with produce, and along the back wall stood a more modern-looking refrigerated section and a large freezer chest. Bare light bulbs in a double row hung from the high ceiling at even intervals on either side of the aisle-way.

I was gazing about in delight, when from behind a glass case arose a grinning, gnome-like older man in a white apron. “Be with you in a minute, Miss, soon as I finish rearranging these things. Shopping baskets are there by the door.” He bent down, disappearing once more.

Looking where he’d pointed, I saw several sturdy woven hand baskets stacked in a neat pile on the floor. Again I had an odd impression of having stumbled through a portal into a past dimension, and I briefly considered hurrying back outside to the “real” world. I brushed that thought aside, however, and grabbed a basket, deciding to look around a bit.

“Hmmm, the prices aren’t old-fashioned,” I mused. “$5.98 per pound for grapes certainly isn’t what great-grandma paid.”

I walked nearer, and my nose wrinkled upon inspection of the split, smelly, moldy fruit. “These don’t look good at all!”

“That’s a fact, Miss; they sure don’t,” interjected a genial voice. “These never look good, and they taste even worse, setting people’s teeth on edge.”

Startled, I whirled around to see the little storekeeper who’d come up behind me unnoticed.

“Then why do you sell them?” I blurted.

“Well, now, these are called grapes of wrath, and some people like to use them because their grandparents and parents did. They make a bitter wine from them that sours the stomach and stunts the soul.”

I made a mental note that this guy was strange.

“I can see you don’t like them; however, I think you might be interested in these fruits of the Spirit over here. They contain natural sugar which sweetens and refreshes not only the mouth and stomach but also the heart.”

He held up a shiny red fruit somewhat resembling an apple. “You don’t find this variety in most stores nowadays. It’s an heirloom called ‘Charity.’ Here, smell and feel it yourself.”

As I grasped it, a pleasant, warm, somewhat-tingly sensation spread up through my fingers to my chest. “What’s going on here?”

Next, he motioned toward some other unfamiliar fruits: “These are ‘Joy,’ ‘Peace,’ and ‘Faith.’”

“Uh, thanks for your help,” I mumbled, plunking a few of the fruits in my basket and moving on down the aisle. ”This is getting weirder by the second.”

I passed by the “junk food” section, grinning at some of the labels I glimpsed—“Couch-potato Chips,” “Prune-face Danish,” “Pickle-puss Relish,” “Sour-grapes Candies.” ”Maybe I’m having a kooky dream!”

Near the aisle’s end, I noticed several bins holding bulk nuts, grains, and cereals. One was labeled “Wild Oats,” and as I peered into it, the storekeeper’s voice made me jump again.

“These wild oats never cook up the way you think they will,” he warned amiably. They’re poor quality and not processed carefully and may contain bits of rock and other foreign matter. People want them because they’re cheap.”

“Ugh,” I replied, moving toward the refrigerated section. There I found crystal-clear bottled “Water of Life” and two brands of milk, “Milk of Human Kindness” and “Pure Spiritual Milk.” I grabbed a case of water, and began making my way back to the front of the store. As I went, I picked up some 100% Pure “Oil of Gladness” and an aromatic loaf of “Bread of Life” baked by the “Heavenly Manna Company.”

As I placed my items on the counter and opened my purse, the storekeeper handed me a scrap of paper. “Wait, Miss! Here’s a coupon!”

My eyes widened as I read, “All your items are available without money and without price.”

“You’re not serious?!”

“Oh, yes! You’re a mighty discerning woman, as everything you chose is ‘no charge.’”

Dumbfounded, I smiled my thanks and left. As I drove away, I glanced back, but the store was somehow no longer visible.


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This article has been read 854 times
Member Comments
Member Date
Joy Faire Stewart03/09/07
Very interesting & thoughful take on the subject. I enjoyed it from the Title to the end.
Jan Ackerson 03/09/07
This is marvelous--I grinned at each new revelation. Really, really clever.

My only suggestion would be to re-think the last sentence; I think it weakens the overall effect. Like you're saying "just kidding" to your readers. Just leave it as it is--an awesomely written allegory.

Truly first-rate.
Jacquelyn Horne03/11/07
What a shopping trip! Smoothe reading. Good job.
Janice Fitzpatrick03/12/07
You took me all the way through the store and I love your way of delivery-nicely done! Keep up the great work! God bless your gifts.
Loren T. Lowery 03/12/07
Clever and creative, didactic and truly entertaing. What more can a reader ask for, except maybe - more, please!

Great Job : )
Marilee Alvey03/12/07
Yes, you have, indeed, earned the title of "Writer." Your descriptions are sublime. Your creativity sparkles. You made your point well. Well done. Bravo! Keep it up!
Patricia Casey03/13/07
Great title, story, and message. I liked your last line because it mirrors the spiritual journeys we take with God every day. When we look back, we can see how God has changed us spiritually, but many times we have no physical evidence that change took place. That is how I see your ending. You made the right choices throughout your journey and received the fruit of your labors. Although others may not see the physical blessings yet, you know the blessings from God are in your heart, and some day others will see them also.

In Jesus' Name,

Patricia
Verna Cole Mitchell 03/13/07
This was excellently written with great description and wonderful analogies and just the right message.
Betty Castleberry03/13/07
This one is going on my favorites list. I just loved it. The descriptions were great, and the whole piece was fun, but with a message, too. BIG thumbs up!
Catrina Bradley 03/13/07
Ooh, what a trippy shopping trip! Great story, well written, and intriguing. I liked the MC's thought-responses. And the "coupon" was great ending.
Patty Wysong03/14/07
Too fun!! You did a great job with the setting and the personalities, bringing both alive. Maybe I ought to check what's in MY shopping basket!! Good job!
Brenda Welc03/14/07
Great descriptive words, I truly liked your story!
Joanne Sher 03/14/07
So clever! I enjoyed the allegory very much. Keep writing!
Sara Harricharan 03/14/07
I'm so glad I found your entry and even happier to read such a wonderful piece! I almost thought she was in a dream, but you made everything so real. I loved the names for the 'groceries' and the touch of the 'grapes of wrath' was hilarious. The title hinted at what was coming and I figured it was a bakery, but this was very fun to read! ^_^
Sara Harricharan 03/15/07
Congrats! See you in Advanced! ^_^
Bonnie Derksen03/15/07
Well done and congratulations on your win!
I would ditto all of the above comment-ers.
I love the truth you brought out: The rich things of God, those things that encourage His life in us are free to us. The hazards to are soul are indeed costly.
Loren T. Lowery 03/15/07
Way to Myrna - time to move on up. Look forward to reading more of your wonderful work - : )
Elizabeth Baize 03/15/07
This was incredibly creative. I loved how everything she chose was free of charge! Congratulations.
Marty Wellington 03/15/07
From your intriquing title to your overall concept, I was enchanted with your entry. Congratulations on your win!
Julie Arduini03/15/07
This was simply amazing. The creativity you expressed here is just awesome. A very well deserved win, congratulations!
william price03/15/07
Myrna, dear, Mryna. Excellent work. I am a big fan of creativity. Congrats. God bless.
Helen Paynter03/24/07
Sorry it's taken me so long to get around to reading this. A very creative, thought-provoking entry with a good punchline (without money and without price). A well deserved win. COngratulations


   
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