The Official Writing Challenge
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Date
03/08/07
I enjoyed this. This era was before my time but you gave me a good sense of what it would have been like. Thanks!
03/08/07
A charming and quaint peek into bygone days.

Something I've learned about short stories is that conflict is an essential element to keep readers' interest. I wonder if you could add something like that? Nothing to spoil the lovely mood, but something to create tension and then relief?

I liked your narrator's voice, and the framing of this piece. Good job.
Neat story. I have lived a long life (I think), but purchasing from the "tin man" is a new one on me. Very interesting. Good writing too.
Your mother reminded me of the Proverbs 31 wife, knowing how to make good deals to take care of her family.

An unique approach to this week's challenge.

While we ate Mr. Green (Was Mr. Green tasty? You need a comma after ate.)

In Jesus' Name,

Patricia
03/12/07
I really enjoyed this character sketch! The old timey setting and all the characters came alive for me with the vivid descriptions. I felt as though I were right there, experincing everything!

My favorite descriptive lines: "My hair stuck to my head in a band of sweat" and "My stomach had been gnawing on my backbone..."

The unusual title also sparked my curiosity. Great job!
03/12/07
Nice story taking us back to an earlier way of shopping that was quite common in many parts of the country.
03/12/07
Thanks for taking us back to a time when people bartered and dropped things because someone came up the lane. You did a good job of transporting us back in time. The voice seemed a little older than the character, to me. I really enjoyed the take on the topic.
I just loved this nostalgic look at a by-gone day. The descriptions were excellent. Good job!
I truly enjoyed this slice of life and all that it was filled with. No waste of time or energy, here.

Especially liked "...and Father dreamed of a hoed potatoe field and boys hoeing." POV aside, it's fun to be able to peek into character's minds.
03/13/07
Great job! I love this look back into history. Your details made this story come alive. A few commas missing, but wonderful writing.
03/14/07
Great little "slice of life" here! I truly enjoyed all the "action."