The Official Writing Challenge
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Date
02/22/07
This was fun! I loved the line about the traitor feather. I could see the mom with her ambitious duster and the dad all satisfied with the gift. Snappy, fast dialogue that read like a real teen family scene to me. Well done!!!
02/22/07
Great story. I can see this developing into the first chapter of something longer.
Loved this. I could just see the expression the mother wore as she "stabbed the air with the duster." Great job.
02/26/07
Your description AND dialogue are very well-done. This was a fun read.
02/26/07
Really fun read - could definately be a novel! I particularly loved the part about her being a young writer, because I was writing novels at that age myself. You have great metaphors and great dialogue, and I liked how she's able to combine her running and writing at the end.
This flowed nicely. I enjoyed the dialogue between mom and daughter. Nice job.
Great job with descriptions and metaphors. There were so many clever sentences which mad the reading fun. One suggestion: When you want to trail off at the end of a sentence, hit the space bar once and then use 3 dots or periods. Example: The weather ...
Very cute. Good dialogue between the teen and her mom. Thanks for a fun read.
02/27/07
I really loved the realistic dialog here. Very enjoyable and believable story. I especially liked the line: "or else your cellphone will be chatting with your ipod.” I'll definitely have to try that one. Well done; thanks for sharing this
02/28/07
I enjoyed this lively piece of writing which quickly illustrated this family’s dynamics of being both loving and fun. I also liked the image of Mom with the laundry basket and feather duster. For consistent verb tense change “giving up” to “gave up” in paragraph 7. I liked the ending too. This was really cute.
Well written with a keen sense of both dialogue and character motivation. Pacing was good in keeping the reader engaged, too.
02/28/07
Too fun! The feather duster touch added a lot of fun and the personalities were well done. Loved this! :-)
Hehe, love the ending! I like how you worked in how writers don't tend to exercise much, too. ;-) It was a little rough in a few places, but otherwise great story!