The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
01/25/07
Last words to live by. A touching story.
01/30/07
There is a lot of deeper meaning in this article than what the reader first sees. A poignant story.

Be careful in your use of adverbs (the -ly words); try finding verbs that convey a similar meaning. For example, "said gently" in the first paragraph could be "murmured" and "Jean remarked hastily" could be changed to "Jean blurted".

Also, each time a new person speaks you should make their bit of dialogue a new paragraph. In the middle of your article you would have five very short paragraphs instead of 'It was Frank who started the conversation: “ Molly stays too long in the bathroom in the mornings”.
“That’s because you are always waking up late,” I replied. “Then you want to rush! rush! rush!”
“Well that’s something to be sorted out ,” Maureen chimed in.
“Oh, I know what we can do mother,” Jean remarked hastily. “ I’ll make a roster and that way we will all have our own bathroom time.”
“Good idea my love,” said mother. “ You have a fine job to do Jean.”' Just a line of white space between each dialogue would serve the purpose.

Your ending was touching, reflective of the sacrament of Communion shared among family. Nice job!