The Official Writing Challenge
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Date
12/07/06
Adventure is right! It's like several scene changes in a movie, almost breathless...

...and I'm afraid I didn't follow most of it. I cared about the main character, you wrote him well, but I was never clear on what was happening, or why, or by whom. Sorry, it's probably just me.

Deft touch with dialog, lots of good writing skills evident here.
12/08/06
You did a good job arousing my curiosity, and thus holding my interest. I was a little puzzled at the end, so I read this twice in search of your clues to unlock this mystery. In my opinion, the key sentence would be the following:

And a lot of money is not worth one life to spread the word of God?” Maybe a little rephrasing would make this sentence more powerful. Maybe that’s just me  Other than that, you did a good job with this!
12/10/06
Very intriguing! Great description - but I also had a bit of trouble figuring out exactly what was going on. I would love to see more of this!
12/11/06
A little confusing and in need of a good edit, but the right idea. Thanks for sharing.
This reminded me of the action Bond-type movies my husband is fond of. I don't usually watch them, because I rarely "get" everything that is going on. Having said that, though, I liked the feel of this piece, and would like to read more.
Terrific writing; some editing needed. However, I was confused also. Who were the good guys and who were the bad guys and what were they doing? Obviously, the Pastor was a good guy, but I wasn't sure about the others.
12/11/06
Author's Note:
The Underhand were the 'badguys'. They are out to stop the word of God from spreading. They influence wealthy people in the congregation and kidnap the pastors to get rid of them. Charlotte Ames is the leader of a group who meets with the hired mercenaries to save the captured pastors. She meets with the people of the different congregations to negotiate between the two. The Underhand pays a lot of money to whoever can do the job as quietly as possible. They hired AMBER to get rid of the last three pastors. Instead, AMBER manages to switch out all three pastors to different churches, insuring that they will live. She uses a special needle gun that causes the victim to appear dead. She then waits for the news to appear, or broadcasts it herself. Once the pastor is considered 'dead'. She 'returns' him to a hospital with the antidote. Charlotte takes over from there, in this story, they were rescuing the pastor Alan Carthur. AMBER is Lady Dasha, that's how she knows what is going on. I hope that explains some... :)
12/11/06
I was confused until I read your explanation but I did enjoy your wonderful dialog and interesting premise. This story has lots of promise and I think I'd like to see more of this. Thanks for sharing it.
12/11/06
Very edge-of-your-seat writing! So sorry about the deleted bit - would love to read the whole thing sometime!
12/13/06
The whole first part was above my head; but then I began the "kidnap" part, or (pastor-nap) and things seemed to settle down; but then in the end - I still was confused as to who, what, why, where etc? But all is not lost - Great suspense writing, great mystery...and a very creative mind.
12/13/06
This is beautifully written. My guess is that the confusion is a result of not enough words to really tell the story that was obviously fully developed in your mind. Thanks so much for sharing!