The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
11/19/06
A great message here. Dividing your story into more paragraphs, and spacing them out, would make this a bit more readable. I love the "coincidence" of the lifeguard sermon.
11/20/06
You've got an imagination and the talent to carry it out to hungry readers. You do need to break up your paragraphs to be more reader friendly. Also,there are a few grammatical errors, but those can easily be fixed. Keep writing! I'll look forward to more imaginative tales from you!
11/21/06
Desperately needs paragraphing in order to make it "reader friendly"; but keep on trying...practice makes perfect eventually. Good luck and God Bless.
11/23/06
No need repeating what the reviewers before said, except yours was a creative way of sending your message. Good job.