The Official Writing Challenge
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Date
11/17/06
"tell your foolish pride to jump in the lake!" Hehe I loved that line. However, I'm a bit confused about the moral being "don't lie to your parents." We your parents there? I think there should have been a bit more action between you and your parents for the moral to be "don't lie to your parents." Overall though, a good message about how we often let our pride dictate what we do rather than our common sense.
Great title to your story and a great story on what kids will do. I was a little confused on the 1st of two things that happened. It would have been stronger if the 2nd thing was spelled out, in my opinion. I found a couple of minor error like in the usage of I,me together. All in all, you did a great job and I enjoyed it. Keep writing.
11/20/06
Love the title. Paragraph five has a problem with two tenses being used: past and present. I could feel the tug that you felt when you watched that little girl walk up to the high dive. We've all experienced that struggle. Thanks for letting me experience it on someone else for a change!
11/21/06
Loved the title of this story! I could relate to the story itself, as when I was 11 I took swimming at school and was the only kid in my class who hadn't yet learned to swim and had to learn in the "baby pool." Can relate to the humiliation of that, though I never had the guts to try diving!

The narrative would come more alive with dialogue sprinkled throughout and specific descriptions of the characters included.
11/22/06
I enjoyed this story. It is something many of us can relate to at least on one level or another. Adding in some dialog would make it shine!