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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 2 – Intermediate)
Topic: Lifeguard (11/09/06)

TITLE: My Story
By Ashley Hurd
11/10/06


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A little taste of sunshine
that had not been seen in days.
A little girl so happy
to go outside and play.
She grabs her pale and shovel
while mom waits out in the car.
She honks the horn
and says, "let's go!".
"We musn't waist no time."
She hops into the car
and they drive off to the beach.
The excitement overwhelms her
as the sand had hit her feet.
She waisted no more time
and ran straight to the water.
She splashed and swam some more
even as the sun grew hotter.
As she played she did not notice
she had drifted way too far.
Her mom, not seeing where she was,
yelling oh so hard.
The girl began to panic
as the current pulled her farther.
She started to go under.
Swimming just got too much harder.
But then she could not do it.
The stength just seemed to leave.
Her last thoughts krept her mind.
Her heart so very grieved.
But then a tug and then a pull.
Her life was saved at last.
A man in white held on tight
and swam to shore so fast.
A mothers heart so greatful.
A daughters heart so thankful.
But in a flash that man was gone.
Then to who could they be greatful.
But who was this dear, sweet man
who had saved this womans daughter?
The only answer to this question
was that her angel came and got her!


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This article has been read 475 times
Member Comments
Member Date
Monique Fox11/16/06
Please post more of your poems at Poetry and Poets of God: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/poetryandpoetsofgod/
Esther Phillips11/18/06
I think you did a good job on writing this. I had a little trouble reading it due to the typos. Setting it aside and reading it anew sometimes helps. The typos include usage of words such as:
greatful/grateful
waist/waste
Other typos were stength/strength and
krept/kept?
Don't give up. You can write!
Leigh MacKelvey11/18/06
I enjoyed reading an end rhyme poem! My preference in poetry is "end rhyming" and I don't see a lot of anymore. This was pleasure and I liked the story. Great job!
Amy Nicholson11/18/06
This was a sweet and touching poem. Watch your spelling and keep writing.
lynn rodgers11/19/06
i agree. have someone proofread befroe you submit, itll do worlds of good. also id be easier to read if it wasnt all one verse. other than that a phanominal poem
Marilee Alvey11/20/06
A very nice, simple, balanced poem. Just a typical day at the beach...until.... Good job at conveying emotions with a limited word count. I think a proofreader would help because most of these mistakes are actual words that the spell checker would not have picked up!