The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
11/02/06
I loved this story--I could see the two loving children, brother and sister, interacting with each other and innocently teaching their parents. Great description, characterization, and message!

I also enjoyed the structured refrains about teaching and learning at the end of each scenario. More direct description and dialog to communicate the message, followed by another one of these refrains, might make a more vivid ending.
11/03/06
What I liked- Very nice devotional! Your starting paragraph was great - drawing me in - making me want to learn more. Good example and then a good lesson afterwards. Nicely done:)

What I might change - One punctuation need in the beginning at a quote.
I might restructure the ending a tiny bit - as you have two Always near each other.
11/03/06
O0ps forget that part about the ending and always -- I reread it and saw it was Allow! sorry:)
11/04/06
reminds me of my boss...she possesses this joy when you give her a gift
What I liked - everything! This is one of my fav's. Keep writing!