The Official Writing Challenge
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Date
10/26/06
I liked the development of thought and understanding that you managed in the limited word count. THe settings were vivd, particularly the first one. One little nit-pick: to me the last sentence was a little bit of an anticlimax. I wonder if it could be reworded to make it a bit stronger or sharper? Otherwise, no criticisms at all.
This was really great. It is so hard for families to let go...great way of putting it!
A few sentences seemed awkward, such as '"Annabeth isn't my only baby I'll miss,"' but with a little bit of editing, this would be a great story. Very touching.
10/29/06
I love the resolution of this story--you made it so vivid and real. To give your protagonist such a complete change of heart, in so few words--masterfully done.

In your first paragraph, you have three sentences with a similar construction (something happens as something else happens...). Consider re-working one or two of those, perhaps?

I can totally relate to your character, and I love the way you wrote her.
I like the description in the first few paragraphs.
I was riding right along in the jeep with Marasol, and I like the phrase, "fat drop of sweat."
Nicely done.
11/01/06
Great job, Marisol was a very well-developed character, I liked how it took some time to 'win her over' to why Sarah and John were missionaries.
11/01/06
Pretty good job with character development. Overall good readability - I can relate to the ride...lol.
03/29/07
Great description - and you did a wonderful job of characterization. Thanks for pointing me this way!
03/29/07
This was one of the first stories/articles I read here when I was getting a feel for FW--I loved it. I've been on some of those roads and you caught the feelings! :-) I'm so glad Marisol understood in the end.
03/29/07
Nicely done, you created a very believable character in Marisol. I enjoyed watching her attitude change.
Wow. This is beautiful. I could almost feel the change of Marisol at the end.