The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
10/26/06
Mr. Jason sounds like a colorful character--I enjoyed your description of him!

I would have liked to see him introduced at the very beginning of your story--that would have drawn me in sooner.

I found the narrator's perception of himself interesting, realizing he's older like the character he describes and having to deal with that.
10/28/06
Good job. You pulled together a great story in a short period of time. Nice descriptions and great take on being a missionary wherever God places us in daily life and activities. The beginning could have been a little stronger to hook the reader, but otherwise wonderful.