Hire
Writers
Editors
Home Tour About Read What's New Help Join Faith
Writers
Forum
My Account Login
Shop
Save
Support
Book
Store
Learn
About
Jesus
  

Get Our Daily Devotional             Win A Publishing Package             Detailed Navigation

The HOME for Christian writers! The Home for Christian Writers!
The Official Writing Challenge

BACK TO
CHALLENGE
MAIN

INSTRUCTIONS

how it works
submission rules
guidelines for
choosing a level

ENTRIES

submit your entry
read current entries
read past entries
challenge winners



Our Daily Devotional HERE
Place it on your site or
receive it daily by email.





TRUST JESUS TODAY

TRY THE TEST



Share
how it works   Submit

Previous Challenge Entry (Level 2 – Intermediate)
Topic: Police (10/12/06)

TITLE: The Fashion Police
By Tabiatha Tallent
10/19/06


 LEAVE COMMENT ON ARTICLE
 SEND A PRIVATE COMMENT
 ADD TO MY FAVORITES

“Stop in the name of fashion.”

“Dad, please, I’m gonna be late. I don’t have time for the fashion police right now.”

“You know the rules Macy. Your skirt is way too short. Just go change the skirt, and you can be out the door in just a few minutes.”

“Dad, it’s just some girls meeting at the church to go over a few songs. There won’t be any boys there.”

“Macy, a rule is a rule.”

“Fine.” Macy turned and stomped up the stairs. Out of all the parents in the world, how did I get stuck with the fashion police. “Your skirt’s too short. That shirt is too tight. That isn’t very modest. Are you wearing that?” For goodness sake, I’m seventeen years old, will it ever end?

Macy checked the full length mirror before heading down the stairs. “How’s this, dad?”

“Much better, be careful and don’t try to make up time by driving fast. Do you have your phone?”

“Yes, Dad, I have my phone. I’ll call you if I need you.” Macy planted a kiss on her dad’s cheek and headed for the door.

On the way to church, the traffic was heavier than usual and Macy seemed to get stopped at each traffic light. Come on, people. I’m already fifteen minutes late.

Finally at church, she took once more look in her mirror before getting out of the car. She looked around and noticed that all of her friend’s cars were there, but there was also an extra vehicle. Suddenly, there was an intense pain in her stomach and she felt nauseous. She decided to go through the back door to the office and lie on the couch for a few minutes. The pain went away, but she couldn’t shake the feeling that something was wrong.

To make sure that she didn’t miss anything, Macy decided to turn on the monitor to the auditorium. The girls had decided to meet in there so they could use the sound system. Oh God, help us. On the stage area sat her four friends, each with a bandana tied around their head, covering their mouths. She could see that their legs were tied at the ankles and their hands were behind their backs, so she assumed the hands were tied also.

Hands shaking and knees weak, Macy walked to the door and locked it. She picked up the phone and dialed 911.

“911, what’s your emergency.”

“I’m at my church, Liberty Baptist, and there’s a man in the auditorium with my friends. He has them tied up and gagged.”

“What’s your name, sweetie?”

“My name is Macy. Could you please get someone here to help my friends? Please, hurry!” Macy couldn’t control her tears any longer, she wiped her palms on her skirt and reached for the box of tissues.

“I’m dispatching units as we speak, Macy. I need you to stay calm. Okay?”

Macy wiped at her eyes and nose, “I’ll try.”

“Okay, Macy. Did the man see you?”

“No”

“Are you sure that your friends are tied up?”

“Yes. Our church has a monitor in the office for the secretary and I can see them.”

“Does the man have a gun or any other weapon?”

“I don’t know.” Macy blew her nose and tried to breathe slowly to stop the pounding in her chest.

“You’re going to be fine, Macy. Listen to me, the police are on their way.”

“I need to call my dad.”

“Stay on the phone with me Macy. You need to stay with me until help gets there. You’re not going to hear any sirens when the police arrive, which is standard procedure during a hostage situation.”

Oh, God. A hostage situation? Please Lord, help my friends. Please keep us safe.

“Macy? There’s one unit there and two more that should be there in just a few more minutes. Are you okay?”

“No. I want to go home.”

“Just a few more minutes, okay.”

Macy watched in the monitors as three police entered with guns drawn. In just a few moments they had the man in their custody. She wanted to go to her friends, but she had a phone call to make first. She dialed the number for home and blew her nose once more.

“Hello.”

“Dad, I need you to come to the church.”

“I’m on my way. Are you okay, Mace”

“I’m fine now. I love you, Dad.”

And the Fashion Police saves the day.


The opinions expressed by authors may not necessarily reflect the opinion of FaithWriters.com.
If you died today, are you absolutely certain that you would go to heaven? You can be right now. CLICK HERE

JOIN US at FaithWriters for Free. Grow as a Writer and Spread the Gospel.


This article has been read 605 times
Member Comments
Member Date
Kaylee Blake 10/19/06
Very good. I wish there had been a little more detail about the hostage situation. Why and who? I love the concept of the Fashion Police though. Very creative. Loved the dialougue between Dad and Macy, made it very real. Good job. Keep up the great work.
Jan Ackerson 10/20/06
I love the idea that the intervention of the "fashion police" worked to save the day. I thought the hostage situation needed more explanation--maybe having her overhear some of what they were saying--it almost seems like a static moment, when in reality, I suspect a lot would be happening. The writing is superb, held my interest throughout, and your protagonist a very realistic teenager.
Delores McCarter10/20/06
Great story. Your creativity and dialogue is top notch. When your character is asking a question, be sure to add those question marks. Other than that, I thought it was great. Nice work!
Betty Castleberry10/20/06
I couldn't stop reading this. Great dialogue and well written. The last sentence confused me just a teeny bit. I had to reread to see if her dad was a cop or not. It's probably just me, though. I really think this is a *very* good piece.
Jesus Puppy 10/21/06
Good story line, though I agree there could be more as to why they were held. DId see one bo boo..

"Finally at church, she took once more look..." Once should have been one.

other than that, read great.
Donna Emery10/22/06
A very creative and well-written story. I could definitely sense the fear in her heart and you really have a way with words.