The Official Writing Challenge
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Member
Date
10/19/06
Very good. I wish there had been a little more detail about the hostage situation. Why and who? I love the concept of the Fashion Police though. Very creative. Loved the dialougue between Dad and Macy, made it very real. Good job. Keep up the great work.
10/20/06
I love the idea that the intervention of the "fashion police" worked to save the day. I thought the hostage situation needed more explanation--maybe having her overhear some of what they were saying--it almost seems like a static moment, when in reality, I suspect a lot would be happening. The writing is superb, held my interest throughout, and your protagonist a very realistic teenager.
Great story. Your creativity and dialogue is top notch. When your character is asking a question, be sure to add those question marks. Other than that, I thought it was great. Nice work!
I couldn't stop reading this. Great dialogue and well written. The last sentence confused me just a teeny bit. I had to reread to see if her dad was a cop or not. It's probably just me, though. I really think this is a *very* good piece.
10/21/06
Good story line, though I agree there could be more as to why they were held. DId see one bo boo..

"Finally at church, she took once more look..." Once should have been one.

other than that, read great.
10/22/06
A very creative and well-written story. I could definitely sense the fear in her heart and you really have a way with words.