The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
10/19/06
I really like the conversation between the friendly officer and you. However, you mention that "He" stepped out in front of the car and made you stop. Then you go on to show two officers are involved. This piece has some real potential, but it needs a little work.
10/19/06
Interesting--I would have liked to know the country that this is set in. And although you have each line of dialog in its own line, they really need to be in their own separate paragraphs--separated by white space.

Piddly stuff aside, this is a story full of grace, and it was a pleasure to read.
This story gripped me. As was already pointed out, it might be a bit easier to read if each paragraph was separated by a space. That's really minor, though. This was a very good piece with a good message.
10/21/06
I also would have loved to know the country this took place in. I found some of the grammar errors somewhat distracting, but definitely enjoyed the dialogue, and watching the mom come around. Nice job!