The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
09/17/06
I like your message here of how we should, "stop and smell the roses," that we should enjoy life more than we do.

On the other hand, I had trouble connecting with your story. I understand you wanted to keep this generic, but if you lead had been given a name, it would have made it more personal.

Another place I became lost was where the garden visitors were making comments. Using quotes and showing the shifting pov would have helped.

Overall, this piece makes a great point and I liked it. :)
Good idea here. With a little work it could be one of those quick read children's books that has lots of illustrations in it. Keep writing.
09/17/06
Enjoyed the point of this story - I also agree it would be more engaging with a named main character. Wonderful message though - definitely made me think! Thanks for writing!