The Official Writing Challenge
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09/09/06
This is a really great story! I loved how you tied everything in, how the clerk started that string of kindness! Although, I really didn't think it had enough of the "river" topic in it.
09/10/06
I really liked the format, little snippets of reality telling a larger story. Well done. I got tripped up on the sentence where Jensen says, "Me going to church" Even though that may be an accurate depiction of how someone might speak, you might want to re-word it to make it easier to read. Nice Job
09/11/06
Well, I think I got the symbolism you were seeking. The tributaries (short vignettes) feed into the larger river (the final coming together of all the characters). Very nicely done, though upon first read I was having a bit of trouble following all the little stories. It's probably me, I'm just not quite focused yet today. I did like your technique--very unique.
09/11/06
Loved the way you weaved all these tributaries together - great approach! I also got a bit lost with who was doing what the first time through - but I figured it out by reading it again. Great dialogue! Enjoyed this!