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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 2 – Intermediate)
Topic: River (08/31/06)

TITLE: You can handle it!
By Genstacia Bull
09/06/06


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“How could you Jake! For crying out loud the account is almost empty what did you do with the money?”

“Darling, I am sorry it would not happen again”

“SORRY!....Sorry is that the best you can come up with? Besides you said sorry the last time and the time before that but this is the final straw Jake you need to see a counselling about your gambling problem or I am leaving!”

“Baby I have got it under control.”

“For goodness sake Jake listen to yourself, you have emptied out our bank account on gambling and you did not say a word. Now I need to buy stuff for the baby and the account is under £20 and you’ve got it under control!”

Jeanne could feel the blood rushing up to her face as she lashed out at Jake. She knew Jake was keeping another secret. Lately there has been a whiff of Jack Daniels lingering behind the smell of lavender air fresher. She thought they had gone past all of that.

She grabbed her jacket and yelled, “I am going down to the riverbank and I am serious about what I said, see a counsellor or I am out of here…with Jade.” Jeanne was bluffing but she hoped that would knock some sense into him.

Jeanne took rapid strides to the place that was a romantic spot for both of them but is now a place of solace from Jake’s foolishness. She tasted her own salty tears as she gasped for air from her brisk walking. She finally got to her favourite spot and threw peddles into the river in frustration.

She heard her heartbeat slow down to its normal pace and welcomed the wind blowing against her flushed face. She was grateful Jade was at the day care for most of the day. She wondered if she would be able to afford a day care service now yet would she run a home business with a toddler in the house. She did not notice anyone was close by until she heard,

“A penny for your thoughts?”

Jeanne turned sideways and snorted.

“They are worth much more than pennies besides you do not want to know!”

The old man shifted on his walking stick and smiled his moustache shifted with his crooked smile. “How about we talk about the weather then; it may cheer you up.”

Jeanne groaned silently she really was not in the mood.

“Look luv, I know you may not want to talk right now but whatever it is you can handle it.”

Jeanne turned and faced him with a raised eyebrow and decided if he were not old enough to be her grandfather, she would have told him to go away and mind his business.

As if reading her mind the man gave her a knowing smile.

Jeanne warmed up to the fellow and said, “Do you come here often? You know… walk along the riverbank”

“Yes I do when my leg is not playing up.”

“What happened?”

“I lost most of it in an accident, I was walking from the casino late at night and a drunk driver slammed into me.”

“Oh I did not get ask your name I am Jeanne, would you be willing to have a word with my husband you are really persuasive and I think he will listen to you.”

“Well certainly pet, my name is Gabriel.”


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Member Comments
Member Date
Kaylee Blake 09/08/06
Interesting. Angels come in all shapes and sizes...and ages. ;)

I caught several grammar and punctuation mistakes that were kind of distracting from your interesting plot.
terri tiffany09/13/06
What I like - You wrote a nice story here. Good ending. You also showed some detail and real emotions.
What I might change - several people mentioned punctuation as in using question marks, and breaking your sentences into two. A few periods here and there and it will really clean it up. The cliche' 'knock some sense in him' is abit overusedand if it were me I might want to try something else there. Try making some contractions in the dialogue too and you will see that the speech flows so much better:)
Keep writing - you really have a talent just need some mechanical work.