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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 2 – Intermediate)
Topic: River (08/31/06)

TITLE: Awestruck
By Rhonda Clark
09/05/06


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The flowing water was an overwhelming sight. I watched as the constant stream seemed to flow endlessly. Continually, it rolled over dips and ridges as it followed a prescribed course. All I could do was stand there and watch—I was frozen in awe.

Unable to move my feet that had suddenly turned to concrete, I watched as another swell began to build and the mighty dam trying to contain the substantial amount of water was again overwhelmed. The gates of the dam failed and another torrential flood escaped. It followed the same path as the first, only this time the rushing water was accompanied by a high-pitched siren-like sound. This sound caused my heart to jump inside my chest as I took in a sharp breath. My little daughter's distraught cries broke my heart as I watched a river of tears flood her face as she was being escorted to me.

Finally, the reality that my missing little girl had been safely found set in, and I ran to her. With my own river of tears rolling across my face, I embraced my daughter and we tightly clutched each other. We stood there weeping on each other's shoulder. Quietly, my broken voice repeatedly whispered in her ear, "Mommy's here, baby, mommy's here. Everything is all right." After several moments of this reassurance, my daughter and I were able to release our tight grasp and we walked silently home, hand in hand, while I rejoiced and praised God for my child's safe return.


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This article has been read 921 times
Member Comments
Member Date
Kaylee Blake 09/08/06
This was good, but I want more. More detail, more information, more descriptions. This has the potential to be a really great piece.
Jan Ackerson 09/10/06
Yowsers, I loved this! The river at the beginning was metaphorical, right, and your readers realize it at the moment when the narrator is reunited with her child...awesome.
Joanne Sher 09/10/06
Definitely I wanted more!!!! Such a wonderful metaphoric description of the separation between a mother and her missing daughter, then exhibited by tears. Tell us what happened before and after too!! Inquiring minds want to know!!!
Donna Emery09/13/06
This was an excellent episode, and it described the emotions of the mother so well. Very well done. Keep writing and sharing!
Joanne Malley09/13/06
I'd suggest you lengthen this piece - it's potential is so much greater with the fantastic start you gave it. Great twist. You've got the meat now give it some more flavor! Great job. Jo
william price10/27/06
I hope you do not mind a better-late-than-never comment on this wonderful essay. This now has to be one of my favorite pieces since I've been a member here. It incorporates all that I would ever hope to have in a story. It has depth, emotion, skill, imagery. Excellent job. I am very impressed. I'm glad I found this. God bless.