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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 2 – Intermediate)
Topic: River (08/31/06)

TITLE: At the River's Edge
By
09/05/06


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He stood before me, unabashed, hands in his pockets. A crooked smile lifted one side of his lips ever so slightly. If it hadn't been for the gleam in his eyes, I would have called it a smirk.

"Um," I started to speak, but wasn't sure exactly what to say. He startled me, and he was invading my private spot. At least I thought it was hidden away enough so no one would ever stumble upon it, as he apparently had.

"Don't be upset." His look cut through my chest and laid the flesh back, exposing my heart like that of a field dressed deer.

Upset? All I'd said was "um". Was I that transparent? My legs trembled. I placed my hands firmly on each knee, pushing down on them with a determined shove. My heart continued beating. Strange, hearts of slain deer don't usually beat, I thought. Mine was doing double time.

I looked at his plaid shirt and well-worn jeans. He seemed normal enough, in a non-menacing way. No bow and arrows, or gun in hand. Still, my trembling reached the point of shivers, and I'm sure my eyes looked much like a deer's would have before facing death.

"You don't have to be afraid, either," he said, making himself comfortable on a boulder at the river's edge.

This was my favorite spot. The river ran along the back of my woods and out into the countryside, providing lots of other spots for him to stumble upon.

"This..." I cleared my throat. "This is where I come to pray. Alone." My voice shook, ruining my attempt to sound firm and in control.

"I know." His voice was soft and gentle, like the flowing stream close to my feet. "I've seen you here before."

His eyes held mine, breaking down my defensive spirit. "I like to canoe everyday, but I usually portage around this spot, so I don't disturb you."

I sat on the sandy shore, surrounded by massive boulders. The secluded alcove was just large enough to spread out a blanket. Evergreens and birch trees flanked the rocks, and stood like protective sentinels up and down the riverbank. All this time I thought I'd been alone, except for the deer.

"Then why are you here? I don't..." I looked down, breaking free from his gaze.

"Because," he interrupted, "I found out what happened to you, and I thought it was time to let you know you don't have to go through this on your own. My name is Jordan Blake." He pointed down stream. "I live the next mile over."

After a personal tragedy devastated my life, the river became my friend, and I spent most of my time at the water's edge hiding from society. Just me and the river. I wanted it that way--at least I thought I did.

I squinted at the figure sitting across from me on my boulder. I had a neighbor? Who knew about me? Who cared? As hard as I tried, I couldn't stop the warm rivulets making their way to my exposed heart. But I felt them cleansing, mending, as only tears can.

I patted the blanket. Jordan accepted my gesture, and sat beside me. His deep, calming voice pulled my heartache out into the open, and I faced what had sent me into seclusion.

Later, he took my hands and prayed with me. That's when I realized I no longer wanted to be alone. There was a stillness when we finished, and I thought I heard a faint "Amen". I looked at the river and smiled. It had known all along.


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This article has been read 658 times
Member Comments
Member Date
Debbie Wistrom09/07/06
I've read many challenge submissions and yours was the first to make me tear up. Bless you whether the story is true or just well constructed. Thanks for touching my heart.
Kaylee Blake 09/08/06
Wonderful! I loved the anaolgy to the deer's heart. And do I sense a little bit a romance? :) This story really pulled me in. Awesome writing.
Donna Emery09/13/06
sweet and very moving! I loved this description and it was very well done.
Rhonda Clark 09/13/06
This is very nice. It flows easy like a gentle stream. The imagery is great.
Jen Davis09/13/06
A touching story and very nicely written. This story does flow smoothly. I also liked the writer's voice. Well done.
Joanne Malley09/14/06
Terrific! I love when "not-so-discovered" pieces through the challenge end up being such a treat to read! Wonderful flow, scene setting, characterization and right on topic. Great job! Jo
Debbie Wistrom09/14/06
And how exciting that your first entry got recognized, can't wait to see what youdid with Garden. I finished my piece last night at home and could not link to the web site, by the time I got to work, it was closed. Now I hve to wait two weeks, but will be watching the results to see where you end up.
Joanne Sher 09/14/06
So compelling, Mid! Your description is so vivid and engrossing. A wonderful piece - congratulations!!
Jan Ross09/14/06
Congratulations on your "Highly Commended" win! God bless you as you continue to grow in your gifts and talents! Very, very well done ... wonderful!
Cheryl Harrison 09/14/06
Your story left me wanting more. Keep up the good work and congratulations on your achievement of "Highly Commended".
Rebecca Livermore09/14/06
Mid, this is beautiful! So very well written. I think it touched all of us. Congratulations on your accomplishment!
Laurie Glass09/15/06
Beautiful piece. Congrats on placing so well.
Jacquelyn Horne03/22/07
I really liked this. It could be a good start, or even a good ending to a novel or short story. Great writing. It kept me all the way through.
Marilyn Schnepp 03/24/07
A brilliant write and a wonderful read. Enjoyed the suspense, apprehension and finally the friendship of a stranger..."at the river's edge."


   
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