The Official Writing Challenge
This article has been read 473 times
Member Comments
Member
Date
08/31/06
A wonderful image and a great foundation for a call. I love that you were given this vision then it took a while to come to terms with it at which point you leaped into it.

There is a bit of an over explanation at the beginning that makes getting into the story a little more difficult. The first two sentences seem extra to me. Also, rather than "the only explanation I can come up with" could be tightened to "I realize now...". Too much explanation clutters the sharpness of the writing.

Jump right into your points, because there's a lot of beauty there that shouldn't be lessened or covered by extraneous words.

I really did like this piece and very much appreciate your sharing.