The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
09/03/06
What an awesome testimony!!Thank you so much for sharing it. The dialogue was so real, and the emotions so true!
09/05/06
What I liked - Excellent testimony and I liked how you portrayed her struggles. I liked how you built the scene.
What I might change- a few typos - your family instead of 'you' family.
I might rework the first paragraph some as it seemed there were two many 'houses' and 'homes' together. You might want to check on your adverbs if too many and use stronger verbs.
You have so much talent in writing good emotional stories and that is what will grab the reader despite a few mechanical needs here and there!