The Official Writing Challenge
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Date
08/31/06
Send me the address to this place - I would love to visit - you've described it so well. Good job.
09/03/06
I can feel the peace in this place. You described it well.
09/05/06
What I like - Your descriptions were very vivid. I liked the opening paragraph. I liked how you used the topic for the melody of the forest. :)
What I might change - for me, I found myself skipping all some of your paragraphs about what was happening around her waiting for more action if that makes sense - something to break it up somewhat. So if it were my piece - there would be something else there that still wouldn't break up the peaceness you were trying to create. Just a reader's thoughts!!
You have a gift for descriptions! Very nice entry & beautifully written!
09/05/06
Beautifully described, without falling into adjective overload. The only thing you might want to look at is the first sentence, in past tense, in contrast to the rest of the piece. Top-notch writing!
09/05/06
What wonderful portraits you have painted with your words - I can see each and every one of them so clearly! Great job!
I feel the peace, and want to go there! The most striking thing for me is the message that after darkness comes light. In that there is hope!Thanks for sharing.
09/06/06
Your writing posesses the intricate details needed for scene setting and your attention to detail is impeccable. However, as the reader, I felt there was a bit too much detail. The delay to the punch lost me and I found myself anxious to know where this was going. Your love for writing is evident and I enjoyed your word selection as you rounded up the "orchestra!" I look forward to reading your work again. Blessings. :)
I agree with Jo and the others, your writing was expertly detailed, but I got lost a little along the way. You start by stating their is an inner struggle, then don't really mention it again. Perhaps to add a little interest to all your great descriptions of the orchestra, you could show the inner struggle to hear it all a few times.