The Official Writing Challenge
This article has been read 700 times
Member Comments
A touching story and one which helps us understand the word melody a little more broadly. At first your transition to the word "melody" seemed abrupt and artificial, but then you tied it all together perfectly encouraging me to re-read the first part with the definition you have given us and listen to the "tune". Very nice work.

You might try using more paragraph breaks, after dialogue or after particularly noteworthy sentences. The eyes like a little bit of white space for rest.
What I like- your voice comes through well and I liked the ending and beginning paragraph.
What I might change - as mentioned, the spacing - easily fixed:) and then you might try taking away all your adverbs and adjectives first - then use some stronger verbs to show what you want to tell. It will really make a difference in how this comes across:) I would also probably drop the last line as using 'you' is risky I think.
Keep writing and watch how you improve each time!