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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 2 – Intermediate)
Topic: Melody (08/24/06)

TITLE: Melody of Words
By Frances Seymour
08/28/06


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“Mama, we’re working diligently, aren’t we?” chirped the small, sweet voice of my four-year old son. I must admit that I was completely jolted by this phrase. Yet somehow, I managed to remain motionless as I gathered my thoughts. Effortlessly, I laid down my cleaning supplies and invited my child to come nearer. Chris was an active, robust little guy with wispy blonde hair and fair skin. My sister in law often referred to him as ‘Pistol Pete.’ Yet, I will never forget that moment. What kind of child was this, I thought?
Excitedly, he ran over and sat comfortably on my knee. I looked at him with wonder and asked, “Son where did you learn that word and just what does it mean?" With a knowing look and handsome smile, Chris said, “from school Mama, and diligently means working hard to complete a task.” It seems like I was often shocked and amazed with the depth of this young child’s vocabulary. But, this comment really blew me away! Why, Chris could even recite fifty books of the Bible in order yet he could not read! Christian daycare was working wonders with my child and I was so proud of him. What a melody of words he was learning.
Just out of curiosity, I looked up the word melody in the dictionary and this is what I discovered. Melody means a sweet or agreeable succession or arrangement of sound. This child’s choice of words had become a melody as I recalled asking him repeatedly to recite these learned books of the Bible to friends and family. God generously gifted Chris with a sweet spirit and the ability to understand words and know how to use them properly—a gift recognized at a very young age. Spoken words, just as lyrics sang often can quickly become music to the ear or sweet melody, don’t you agree?

Let the words of my mouth, and the meditation of my heart, be acceptable in thy sight, O LORD, my strength, and my redeemer. Psalm 19:14


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Member Date
Patrick Oden08/31/06
A touching story and one which helps us understand the word melody a little more broadly. At first your transition to the word "melody" seemed abrupt and artificial, but then you tied it all together perfectly encouraging me to re-read the first part with the definition you have given us and listen to the "tune". Very nice work.

You might try using more paragraph breaks, after dialogue or after particularly noteworthy sentences. The eyes like a little bit of white space for rest.
terri tiffany09/05/06
What I like- your voice comes through well and I liked the ending and beginning paragraph.
What I might change - as mentioned, the spacing - easily fixed:) and then you might try taking away all your adverbs and adjectives first - then use some stronger verbs to show what you want to tell. It will really make a difference in how this comes across:) I would also probably drop the last line as using 'you' is risky I think.
Keep writing and watch how you improve each time!