The Official Writing Challenge
BACK TO
CHALLENGE
MAIN
INSTRUCTIONS
how it works
submission rules
guidelines for
choosing a level
ENTRIES
submit your entry
read current entries
read past entries
challenge winners
Our Daily Devotional HERE
Place it on your site or
receive it daily by email.


TRUST JESUS TODAY

  • Share
  • how it works
  • Submit
Previous Challenge Entry (Level 2 – Intermediate)
Topic: Melody (08/24/06)
Tess opened her eyes to the morning sun rays dancing on the walls.
Could this be the day, she thought as she got out of bed.
“Good Morning.” Her husband, Jake said softly.
“How are you feeling?”
“I feel like this could be the day.” Tess said with a little grin on her face.
Tess was getting awkward and uncomfortable but she loved to feel the life inside her growing. She had a light breakfast and joined Jake in their usual morning walk together.
She noticed a little ache in her back.

A little later, at lunch Tess noticed that the ache was stronger and seemed to come and go.
“I’m not positive but I think this might be the day”. She told Jake as she took another bite of her sandwich.
“Really?” Jake said as he swallowed hard.
They were told they would never be able to have children so they were waiting with eager anticipation for the birth day to arrive.
Could this be it? Tess thought. This was her first baby so she wasn’t sure what she was feeling.

By mid afternoon the ache had progressed and Tess knew she was in labor. Jake kept time of her contractions when Tess would announce its start.
She was busy getting things straightened up.
“Are you alright honey?” Jake asked as she folded the last towel.
“Yes, dear I’m fine.”

A few hours later Tess decided it was time to rest on the couch.
“Ok, it’s starting.” She announced.
Jake looked at his watch intently, he could see the anguish on his wife’s face.
“Five minutes”’ Jake replied.
“We’d better go”. Tess said.
Jake grabbed her suitcase and they headed for the hospital

Settled in her room, Tess was hooked up to monitors, where they could hear the beating of their baby’s heart. Jake was amazed as he watched the paper graph slowly roll out recording the frequency, duration and pressure of each contraction, even their baby’s movements.

Jake stayed close by his wife’s side as she was uncomfortable as the pain increased.
She wasn’t talking much anymore.
Tess grabbed Jakes hand.
“Oh no, here comes another one.” She moaned.
“Just relax honey and breathe through it.”
Jake could tell by the monitor that the contractions were more intense.
“How’s it going?” the doctor asked as he popped in.
“Let’s see where we’re at?”
“Looks like we’re about half way there, I’ll come back in a little while to see how you’re doing”.
Tess nodded her head in reply.
“Thanks doc.” Jake said.

Time seemed to pass slowly with each painful contraction. Jake dabbed the sweat from her forehead and gave her the support he could. It was difficult for him to watch her suffer.
Tess moaned and squirmed as she felt the next contraction begin.
“Jake, I don’t think I can do this anymore!” she squealed through the pain.
“I need help!”
Jake got the nurse.
The nurse called the doctor and said “It’s time, she’s complete”.

The room got real busy with the doctor getting his gown and gloves on, the nurse setting up the instrument tray next to him.
Another contraction and Tess begged for help.
The nurse looked at her and said with the next contraction you are going to bear down and push.
“I can’t.” Tess said with fear.
“Yes you can, we are here to help you.” the nurse encouraged.
With the next contraction Tess held her breath and pushed while the nurse and Jake counted. She held it as long as she could and blew the air out.
“Take in another breath and push”. She heard the nurse command.
Tess did as instructed; she could hear the counting as she concentrated on pushing through the intense pain. Eight, nine, and ten she let out the air and collapsed in near exhaustion.
“Ok, here we go again.” Tess said.
“Jake’s eyes grew wide as he could see the baby’s head.
Tess was tired but giving it all she could.
Tears started to flow as Jake watched his baby emerge into the world.
Their new daughter filled her lungs and let out the cry of life, a sweet melody to their ears and they joined her in the melody of praise.
“Life’s song”, Jake whispered as they looked with wonder at their precious miracle.

O make a new song to the Lord; let all the earth make melody to the Lord. Psalms 96:1
The Bible in Basic English
The opinions expressed by authors may not necessarily reflect the opinion of FaithWriters.com.
If you died today, are you absolutely certain that you would go to heaven? You can be right now. CLICK HERE

JOIN US at FaithWriters for Free. Grow as a Writer and Spread the Gospel.
This article has been read 858 times
Member Comments
Member
Date
Joanne Sher 
09/03/06
What a realistic portrayal (and I should know - been through it twice! LOL). Thanks for sharing!
Donna Powers
09/04/06
I didn't feel much like singing when I was in labor, but it is a good comparison and you described it well.
terri tiffany
09/05/06
What I like- I liked how you used the topic in reference to a new baby! very sweet! You protrayed what she went through very well. Nice content and good verse at the end.
What I might change - some needs with the mechanics of writing but don't worry - these are easily learned. There are some commas here and there needed but mostly you might want to work on the 'he said etc. and turn that into showing what they did instead of always saying he or she said. But if you do, then a comma is needed after what they say and then don't capitalize he or she. When the husband talks, keep his dialogue in the same paragraph9same for wife) and also then space up the next dialogue. If you would like to pm me I would be glad to do some of the fixing for you to show you better!:) Trust me - I went through it all too and it really improved my writing!