The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
08/24/06
I didn't quite get this. The flow seemed a bit out of kilter for me. Maybe if you could have used more words, then the flow would have been smoother for me.

I do like the idea of the centurion guard being converted.
08/30/06
Interesting writing, well done. My only suggestion is to perhaps try to cover less ground in more depth. This story does seem to be spread a little thin, as you include three days within the 750 word limit. If you make this part of a longer work, I suspect you would flesh out your story to everyone's satisfaction.

Keep putting that talent to work!