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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 2 – Intermediate)
Topic: Vision (08/03/06)

TITLE: Vision of a Night Sky
By Caitlynn Lowe


The pale moonlight peered out from beneath the dark storm clouds, illuminating the spot where the two sweethearts stood, embracing one another. Their silence echoed the sadness that plagued their forlorn hearts; for the two knew they must part soon, neither knowing if they would ever meet again.

Finally, in spite of the pain in her heart, the girl began to speak. “It is difficult to distinguish this moment as dream or reality. To think it is merely a dream seems to me preposterous; it seems more real to me than any reality I have ever experienced. And yet, this strange enchantment that lingers in the air seems to tell me that it cannot be real, for there are no fairy tale romances in the real world. If you are real and living, I beg you, speak now and dispel my greatest fears. For, I am troubled at the thought that you are only a figment of my imagination.”

“I am real; that much I can promise,” the boy replied. “As for whether this is reality or otherwise, I cannot say. I had been wondering the same thing. But with each passing moment, the stars seem to dim, and I realize this night shall draw to a close before we are ready. I fear that...perhaps, this is only a dream, and that we are not physically here with one another.”

“If this is a dream, then so be it! I would rather linger on in this dream with you than spend a thousand lifetimes awake without you,” she said, crying into his shirtsleeve. “As soon as I saw you, my heart began to turn to you as a flower turns towards the light and warmth of the sun. I could not bear to be apart from you forever.”

“Please, beloved, do not weep. Perhaps, it is more vision than dream. If we are indeed both real human beings, then it stands to reason that we have connected here on a subconscious level. I am confident that we are meant for one another, and that upon waking from this blessed sleep, something will continue to stir in both our hearts that will guide us together in the real world.” He stroked her cheek gently, wiping away the teardrops that had escaped from her eyes.

She looked into his eyes and was calmed. A question remained on her lips, however, and she had to ask. “What is it that will guide us together again?”

He smiled at her. “Hope. The everlasting hope inside our hearts will turn into a prayer, and that prayer shall be carried on the wind up towards Heaven, where God Himself will hear it. I believe he has created us to be together; don’t you?”

This time it was her turn to smile. “Yes. I do believe it, with all my heart. I shall never stop hoping; and I shall never stop praying.”

“Very well, my beloved,” he whispered, kissing her hand, “until next we meet.”

At those words, the night sky shattered, and the vision was no more. In two separate cities, two people awoke--a boy and a girl--with hope of love in their hearts, and a prayer on their tongues.

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This article has been read 891 times
Member Comments
Member Date
terri tiffany08/10/06
Very romantic word choices with a twist at the end. I was starting to wonder if I was in another century as the language was beautiful and flowery. I felt it was a good choice since it was a dream. Nice writing.
Jan Ackerson 08/11/06
Your last sentence is particularly powerful, and really stands out. I'd like to read "the rest of the story"--how they find each other--some day.
Marty Wellington 08/12/06
I loved your romantic word choices as well. Very captivating imagery and language. Like Jan, it left me begging for more.
Allison Egley 08/14/06
This sounds almost Shakespearean in it's style. Not it's word choice, though, because I could actually understand it. :) I enjoyed this piece, and I am also anxious to find out how they meet!
Rita Garcia08/14/06
I'm with Jan, this cries out for a sequel! Beautiful writing!!
Trina Courtenay08/14/06
Your romantic word choices were so beautiful...I'm with everyone else - more please!
Sue Dent08/14/06
Awwwwww, it wasn't sappy! It was perfect! Great dialogue, good use of dialogue tags. I wanted to read more but was very happy with what I got!! Here's a peanut for you!!!
Kimberly Mitchell08/14/06
Such beautiful breath- taking writing. Thanks.
Shari Armstrong 08/14/06
Yup- you're right -that was very mushy lol. Well written, but the dialog seemed a bit over the top, but kind of reminicient of Shakespear, done more modernly -if that makes sense?
Stephen Paynter08/14/06
Hmmm. I love romances, and I really like the premise, and, like your other reviewers, I would love to read the sequal. For me, however, the language was just a little overblown ... or rather, not so much the language, as the sentiment. Then again ... maybe it's just because I'm male!! I thought the ending was very good. It "earthed" the whole piece.
Jan Ross08/14/06
Beautiful romantic story. Maybe a little overdone on the "flowery" language, but very nice. Great job! :)
T. F. Chezum08/14/06
Very nice and indeed romantic, but not too mushy. Very nice job.
Virginia Gorg08/14/06
Sounds Olde English and nice. I like the last line and you wove a tale together nicely. Good work.
Brenda Craig08/14/06
Very lovely and romantic. Loved the ending. Good job!
Joanne Sher 08/15/06
Love the "flowery" language - it fit the vision SO well! And I too REALLY REALLY want to read the "sequel." This warmed my heart!!