The Official Writing Challenge
This article has been read 650 times
Member Comments
Member
Date
08/11/06
Yikes! This is scary stuff. Good job of extablishing three very real characters in so few words.

Take a look at your 3rd paragraph and consider re-working some of the "you" and "your" references in describing the little boy.

Hope you write a sequel some day.
08/12/06
Whoa...this gave me chills. You worked the reader's emotions really well. Very vivid and the characters were well developed.

It's so sad, so real. Jan's right though...I want a seguel!
08/16/06
This is terrific writing. You know how to grab your readers and keep them hooked on your story.