The Official Writing Challenge
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Date
06/10/06
This has the makings of a good story, both creatively and technically. I'm just a bit confused, however. Is the narrator the mother of all three children (as the ending suggests)? If so, how does "Dawn" fit in? A bit mysterious, but good!
06/10/06
Heart breaking! It's so hard to lose a grandchild, and such a resonsiblity for a grandparent to raise another grandchild as their own. A few minor typos, but a powerful story!
06/10/06
Missing "Pieces"? Yes, I too was a bit confused if this was the Grandmother, or...but then another Commenter explained who this was...I think; but all in all this was a bittersweet story, but very well written. Thank you for sharing.
06/12/06
Hi, I am here to clear up the confusion, Aaron is my grandson, but I have had him since birth. We adopted him and he has always called me Mommy. I could have let him call me Grandma and let him correct himself. I just never thought of it. I have learned a lot from this. I should have made it clear somehow.
Aaron is my daughter Angela Dawn's first child. Just disappointed I made a good story confusing. I hope inspite of my blunder you get the message of hope, healing and peace.
06/12/06
You have good emotion here that keeps the reader following your bittersweet tragedy.

It wouldn't take much at all for you to be pleased with this precious story. I think it's worth working on to help someone else and you could include other insights and lessons you would want to share.

Thank you for going through what you had to, to write this. You did a very good job.
06/12/06
The best parts of this story are the parts where the narrator is exploring her buried emotions--and those parts are excellent. Clear up the confusion a bit, and this moving and touching story will be top-notch!
I agree with everyone. This is an excellent story and very well written. Once the confusion's gone it will be top notch. Good job.
06/16/06
This piece has the seeds of promise. Like most stories we've lived to tell, they are worth telling. However, the problem is that we are so deeply entrenched in them that we scarcely notice the problems in them. We lived the story and, in writing it, we live the pain again. While you're in pain, who cares if the point of view slips? However, if we ARE to communicate the message, we have to, somehow, find a way to extract ourselves for the moment. I still struggle with that, as well!