Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: Joy (05/18/06)
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TITLE: Walking With My Creator | Previous Challenge Entry
By lynn rodgers
05/22/06 -
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p.s. God told me to tell her to come just so she knows what we’re talking about and argue intelligently and that it never hurts to try. She said that she’d think about it.
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I would've liked to have seen actual dialogue with descriptions of what is around you. What do you see, hear, feel, smell, taste? What does His voice sound like? How do you feel when arrive at school? Etc.
Work on your editing a bit--some misspelled words (breath, not breathe, etc.)
His and Him should be capitalized when writing of God.
You've packed a lot of power and passion into one paragraph. Expand it. You could have an exceptionally strong and impacting piece.