Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: Inner Strength (04/20/06)
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TITLE: tawny's strength | Previous Challenge Entry
By lynn rodgers
04/26/06 -
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Her sister, Wanda, was bi-polar, a druggie, and slept around…a lot. Her sister was thirteen and her mom was in denial. Over the past year her mom had begun to blame Wanda’s problems on tawny. Now mom had hit her. The painful recent memory flooded into her mind.
Her sister, Wanda picked up the kitchen knife and pointed it at tawny, “I’m tired of playing these games where’d you put them? Where are they?! I need my ‘meds’, tawny! I need them!” Wanda was hysterical her normal self. That day tawny found strength inside, from the lord. She would not cower at her sister’s antics any more.
“You call vikaden and X medicine? I threw your drugs away and burned them. You don’t need drugs, you’re crazy, you need help,” Tawny’s words were firm, confident and true. Within a second she would regret saying them.
“YOU BITCH!” Wanda cried out as she lunged for her older sister. Tawny grabbed her wrist and squeezed so hard Wanda had to drop the knife. “Please, don’t hurt me. I love you tawny, you know I’d never hurt you,” Wanda’s eyes filled with tears. Tawny wouldn’t fall for it this time, she let go of Wanda’s wrist and turned to walk away. They’re mom was standing right there.
“Maybe if you weren’t so fat people would like you more. Maybe if you let people be Wanda wouldn’t be so screwed up,” her mother’s words were fierce and sharper than the knife, “but no, you have to go make your sister’s life a living hell. She didn’t do anything to you. Say your sorry!”
Tawny wasn’t feeling herself, she was bold and calm, “no, I have nothing to be sorry for.”
Her mothers hand flew across her face, “say you’re sorry for hurting Wanda!”
Tawny sat at the street sign wondering. Her only friend had once said, “God loves you and so does everyone in the small group. When ever you need him he’ll be there, just pray.” Tawny prayed for strength and God gave it. She got up and walked to the bus stop, she loved her family and was going to get them some help.
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Work on capitalization, and on tightening up writing mechanics. My biggest issue was with Wanda's language--even though it's entirely in character, it's uncomfortable to read in a Christian site. Better, perhaps, to write something like "Wanda screamed a horrible name at Tawny."
Your writing shows promise.
I can cope with 'bitch' but wouldn't wasnt to be reading anything stronger on this web site