Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: Space (01/23/06)
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TITLE: Give Me My Space! | Previous Challenge Entry
By Patrick Verbeten
01/27/06 -
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The young teen was not really looking for space that day, but rather for a chance to do what he wanted to do without suffering any physical or spiritual consequences. As parents, our foremost task during our child’s adolescence is to guide them through the tumult that is a natural part of becoming an adult.
The main thing for us as parents to remember as our kids enter the turbulent teens is to rightly define our terms. Giving a child his or her space is not the same as letting them do whatever seems right in their hearts. Too many kids, as they strive to get along with their peers, will gravitate toward sin and other poor choices. It’s difficult for them to stand up and say, “That’s wrong,” especially if they perceive they will be standing alone. Space is letting them discover, still in a somewhat controlled atmosphere, what their likes and dislike are, what their personal relationship with God looks like, and what they are passionate about.
The great American way is to have choices. Teens need to discover their personal style in fashion. So have fun with it and with them. Know in advance where you draw your lines, and when space turns to license, be bold enough to tell them so. They will actually thank you for it in later years. The same is true for movies, video games, reading materials and choices in friendships. Know what is healthy for your child. Know also that it will be different for each of your children because each son or daughter is an individual. There is a base that no one in the family crosses, including us parents, but past that let each child discover his or her own individual likes and dislikes.
At some point in life, a kid who grows up in the church has a decision to make: “Will I accept or reject the God my parents told me about.” By far the best way to encourage your children to accept Jesus personally as a vibrant part of their adult life is to check your own relationship with God. If your faith is fragile or even anemic, it will be difficult for you to get them to ascend to a higher plane. Additionally, encouraging positive behavior goes a long way in getting them to that adult relationship with Father God. Forcing teens rarely works. It may gain compliance, but not faith. Know too, that the job is not yours alone to do. The Holy Spirit is at work as your partner.
Passion for one’s life calling is a rare but beautiful gift to give your children. Who but parents better know the way their son or daughter is made? Help them explore career choices that they can invest their whole beings in. We attend church with a man who owns a prosperous business. He went to a local Bible College because it was what good Christian young men do. But it did not satisfy him. By God’s grace he found his niche. How much better it would have been if his parents could have helped him discover his entrepreneurial skills and kept him from what would have been a bad career choice. Be open to God’s best for each of your children. Do not try to force them into a mold that does not fit them.
Adolescence is an exciting time in a family’s life cycle. Prepare for it. Enjoy it! Enter this phase of childrearing with confidence and prayer. Doing so will set you and your children up for a lifetime of warm adult relationships. By helping them discover their true space, you help make it happen.
And what of the young man? He’s a pastor now. He has his own children, and some day, like their dad, they too will begin their quest for space. I know; I’m his father.
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